Page 71 of Wish You Were Here
‘I think she might beThe One.’
‘I knew it!’ says Abigail. ‘From the day you told me about her, I knew she was special.’
‘So, what are you going to do about it?’ says Simon.
‘I literally have no idea,’ I say, before having a sip of my silky, creamy coffee, and it feels like a weight has been lifted just saying it out loud, but also that another slightly heavier weight has been added because now it feels like I need to do something about it.
As we are sitting here, I look across at another table and there is a young family having brunch. There’s the mum and dad, who both look about my age, and their daughter, who looks about two or three. The woman is clearly pregnant again, and they seem like the perfect little family. I know that I want this, and Jemma wants it too. This could literally be us in a few years’ time. We could be so happy together in London, and wasn’t that always the dream? I watch as the dad helps the little girl cut up her toast into soldiers for her soft-boiled eggs, and it makes mesmile. I want to be a dad cutting up toast for my child so they can dunk it in runny eggs at a cool cafe in South London.
‘I have to ask,’ says Poppy. ‘Is this just you sabotaging yourself again? You find yourself with someone great, who you really like, it’s getting a bit serious and so you find a reason to blow it up on the off chance this other person might be better?’
‘She’s right,’ says Abigail. ‘You do that.’
‘I know I do,’ I say. ‘But I don’t think this is that.’
‘So, the question is, again, what are you going to do about it?’ says Simon.
When I’m at work trying to work out the viability of an investment for a particular client, I work up the numbers, look back through the historical data and give the client my projections based on all the viable factors. I take into consideration all the possible risks, run a cost-benefit analysis model, and consider whether the client wants to take a bigger risk with more potential for growth or whether they want something with stable long-term earnings. These are all factors when deciding what is best for my client, but can I treat love the same? Is it quite as easy as putting numbers into a spreadsheet, determining the risk factors, and making the best, most calculated choice when it comes to my heart?
‘You know,’ says Abigail. ‘I went on a management training course recently, and we did a whole day about making difficult choices in the workplace, but it might work for love, too. We played a game called ‘phone box’—’
‘Oh, is it like the 2002 psychological thriller ‘Phone Booth’ starring Colin Farrell?’ says Hugh. ‘We put Ben in a phone box, call him and threaten him to make a decision between Jemma and Saskia, and if he can’t, we call—’
‘No, Hugh, it isn’t like that at all,’ says Abigail. ‘We got together in small groups and worked independently on a particular problem. Then after about twenty minutes, all thegroups got together and discussed what we had come up with. It was surprisingly effective.’
‘But how is this going to work exactly?’ I ask. ‘Everyone goes away, comes up with a solution to my problem, and then we come back together and share our thoughts?’
‘Or we put Ben in a phone box, threaten to share his dilemma with Jemma and Saskia, unless he makes a decision!’ says Hugh.
‘Thanks for your help guys, but I don’t think playing a management strategy game or threatening me in a phone box is going to give me the push I need to make a decision,’ I say, and we all get back to our food, but it’s hard to enjoy because all I can think about is what I am going to do about Jemma and Saskia.
The thing is, I love my life in London. I enjoy my job and have little interest in leaving the company I have worked for since graduation and moving across the world. Would Saskia leave Sydney and move to London? If one of us moved, would we always feel like we were giving up so much for the other, and would that eventually come between us? Wouldn’t it just be easier to stay with Jemma? Jemma is lovely, beautiful, and she makes me happy. Would choosing Saskia just be repeating the same mistakes of my past?
We finish our food and drinks until finally we are all done and waiting to pay. At the table next to us, the couple with the little girl just left with the girl on her dad’s shoulders, laughing and squealing with delight, and they wandered off outside, zipping up their jackets and the little girl had an adorable, knitted hat and gloves. The waitress eventually comes across and we pay before we sit at the table, which is strewn with all our post-brunch detritus, readying ourselves to leave when Simon says.
‘We should call Will.’
‘Why?’ I ask.
‘To see what he has to say on the matter of your love life,’ says Simon, and everyone nods in agreement, and so it is decided that I am going to call Will – apparently the person most likely to decide my relationship conundrum. I take out my phone and dial his number.
‘Put it on speaker,’ says Poppy, and so I do.
‘Hello!’ says a rather out of breath Will. ‘Sorry, I’m on mile thirty-four. Fortunately, the weather is glorious, and Scotland is looking stunning. What’s up?’
‘We need your input on Ben’s troubled love life!’ says Poppy loudly.
‘Thanks, Sis, apart from everyone in the cafe, I think half of Scotland heard you too!’ I say before I go on to explain to Will exactly what has happened and the difficult situation I find myself in. It’s a choice between playing it safe with Jemma or going rogue and somehow giving it a go with Saskia. Even saying it out loud to Will sounds ridiculous. Why would I break up with Jemma to risk everything for Saskia, someone I have never actually met in real life and who lives on the other side of the world? It is clearly madness. After a brief five-minute explanation, I ask Will what he thinks. Will leaves a pause, and we can hear traffic in the background, and then somehow the sound of bagpipes, before he finally delivers his verdict.
‘If you want my opinion, whether it’s your career, life goals, or love, it all comes down to one thing. You have to follow your heart, Ben. When I decided to give up a career in law for a career in fitness, most people, including my parents, who went ballistic, thought I was crazy, but it’s what my heart was telling me to do. Follow your heart, Ben, and you won’t go wrong because even if it doesn’t end up as you had hoped, at least you took a chance.’
‘Bravo!’ says Abigail. ‘Top advice.’
‘Couldn’t agree more!’ says Poppy.
‘Me too!’ says Simon.
‘I’m with Will,’ says Hugh.
