Page 76 of Wish You Were Here
‘What?’ she says incredulously. ‘Who? I don’t understand.’
‘With Saskia.’
There is a long pause. This has obviously come as quite a shock to her.
‘The girl in Australia?’ she says eventually. ‘You’re leaving me for a girl who lives on the other side of the world, who you haven’t even met?’
‘I’m listening to my heart, Jem. I’m sorry.’
She laughs. ‘You don’t need to apologise. Clearly this is some sort of early mid-life crisis.’
‘Or a slightly delayed quarter-life crisis?’ I say half-laughing at my attempted joke.
‘It doesn’t matter, Benji. Look, I don’t know what is happening with you, but clearly, you’re going through something—’
‘I’m not, Jem. I’m just, and for the first time in my life, being brave. I’m following my heart instead of my head. You know why I didn’t come travelling with you after university? Because I listened to my head. I was too afraid of the million things that might have gone wrong instead of the one thing that might have gone right. I’ve always played it safe, followed the rules, because I thought that meant being happy. Get a solid career, be financially stable and then everything else would just fall into place, but it didn’t. Love isn’t about being safe, Jem, it’s about listening to that little voice in your head that says, fuck it, go for it.’
‘So, this is it? You’re really breaking up with me for good?’ says Jemma, and for the first time, I see tears beginning to settle in her eyes like tiny paddling pools.
‘I am, and I’m sorry. You’re amazing, Jem, but you deserve to be with someone who followed their heart to you. Someone who took a chance because you were worth it.’
‘I thought that person was you,’ says Jemma, weeping now, and I hate that I have made her cry, but I don’t have a choice.
‘Maybe our chance was nine years ago. If I had come travelling with you instead of playing it safe, perhaps we would have made it then. Maybe not, I don’t know, but I do know that right now, my heart is in Sydney and that’s where I need to go.’
‘You’re really going to jump on a plane and fly halfway across the world in the hope that she’s the love of your life?’
‘I am.’
‘Then I suppose … good luck?’
‘You mean that?’ I say, slightly shocked that she’s being quite so understanding.
‘Benji, if you’re prepared to travel to Cambridge just to break up with me, and then you’re going to fly across the world, hoping that a girl you met online is the love of your life, then what elsecan I say? I wish it had been me, but I want you to be happy, and ultimately if she isThe One, then good luck to you.’
‘Jemma, you are truly amazing. I hope that one day soon, you meet the love of your life, and you get everything you deserve.’
‘Me too,’ says Jemma with a despondent smile.
I lean across and give Jemma a hug goodbye. I can’t believe how wonderful she is being about this, and yet I can because she is an amazing person. She just isn’t my amazing person. After a tearful hug goodbye, Jemma and I head downstairs, where we are met by Gordon and Helen.
‘Are you staying for dinner, Ben? I made a shepherd’s pie,’ says Helen.
‘Actually, I’m heading back to London. Sorry.’
‘Oh, right,’ says Helen.
‘That’s a shame,’ says Gordon.
‘Look, guys, the truth is, I just broke up with Jemma. I think she’s incredible, and you’re lovely, and in another version of this world, I think I would have been very happy with you as my in-laws, but my heart is elsewhere. I’m sorry.’
‘It’s okay, you can go now,’ says Jemma with a slightly teary smile.
‘Oh, right, bye then,’ says Helen.
‘Cheerio,’ says Gordon.
‘Did you want some shepherd’s pie to go? For the journey,’ asks Helen.
