Page 78 of Wish You Were Here
‘That’s awesome! I’m so excited for you guys. Not for the other couple, of course, but I don’t know them,’ I say, and we continue towards the airport with Jess telling me all about theirnew house in Glebe, which is fantastic because when I get back, life might be very different for the both of us.
Eventually, we get to the airport, and after a tearful hug goodbye, and best wishes from Jess and Aaron, I leave them and head towards my departure gate with my large backpack. When I told Brian I was going to London, he got very excited, left the room in a hurry then returned with a backpack. But not just any backpack but ‘Barbara the backpack’.
‘She’s been all over the world with me, but never to London. Could you take her for me?’
‘Umm, I guess.’
‘She’s a great little backpack, love. Reckon she’ll love it over there.’
‘I’m sure she will. Thanks,’ I said, taking Barbara the backpack, without realising I would have the responsibility of making sure she also had a good time. So, it seems that after everything, I am heading to London to meet Ben. This is my first long-haul flight, and I have no idea what to expect. Fingers crossed.
I am exhausted, my whole-body hurts, I have no idea what day it is, and it is freezing cold. I checked my phone, and the temperature is below zero. I did bring a coat, but I’m not sure it is going to be warm enough. Ben gave me his address ages ago so I could see it on Google Maps, so when I leave Heathrow Airport, I jump into one of the black cabs, tell him the address and we are soon driving towards Clapham, ever nearer to Ben.
Apart from watching countless movies, stress eating and attempting to sleep, I spent a lot of time on the flight thinking about Ben and what I am going to say to him. Fortunately, I also got chatting to a sweet woman from Edinburgh, who listened to me going on and on about Ben, and what I was doing on a plane travelling from Sydney to London.
‘That’s quite the story,’ she said in her delightful Scottish brogue. ‘Can I give you a wee piece of advice, dear?’
‘Sure.’
‘When you get there, and you see this Ben fella, don’t go giving him everything straight away. Make him wait. Make him long for you because it’s the longing, dear, the sweet taste of desire that keeps them wanting more and more. It’s why me and Stuart have lasted all these years. I always keep him wanting more.’
‘Oh, right, okay,’ I said, a little shocked by her brutal honesty.
‘Men enjoy the chase, dear, so always keep them chasing.’
‘Good to know. Always keep them chasing.’
‘Aye, and a wee dram of whisky before bed.’
‘Keep them chasing and a wee dram of whisky before bed. Got it,’ I said, and that was the last piece of advice she gave to me. Although, before we got off the plane, we were waiting in the aisle for the people ahead of us to start moving, and she said.
‘Lang may yer lum reek, dear.’
I have literally no idea what she said, or what it meant, but she was smiling, so I assumed it was something nice.
Eventually, the cab pulls up outside a tall brick house and we have arrived. I pull Barbara up from the floor next to me, and we get out. It feels surreal that I’m outside of Ben’s flat in Clapham, and I am about to see him for the first time in the flesh. I just hope he’s in. I could have messaged him, still could, but I can’t wait to see the look of surprise on his face. At this moment, as I’m thinking about seeing him in real life for the first time, I get a thought I can’t believe I haven’t already had. What if his girlfriend is there? It would be so awkward, but I am here now. She might think I’m a weird stalker, Ben might think I’m crazy, but I flew across the world for this, I’m not going to back out now because of what people might think.
As I am standing outside, I look up for a moment towards the heavens and say out loud, ‘This is for you, Lou Sanders.’ Then I pick up Barbara, walk across to his door and ring the bell.
I remember looking at his flat on Google Maps and imagining what it would be like to be there with Ben. I daydreamed about waking up together and then walking to the cafe that’s just around the corner for breakfast. I imagined us strolling through the streets of London together, Ben showing me the sights, drinking tea, eating fish and chips and doing all the other cliché London stuff together, before returning to this flat and having sex, and in my mind because Ben’s a funny bloke, he called doing it ‘British style’. I have dreamed of this, but to actually be here feels completely surreal. As I wait for Ben to answer, I am so nervous my heart feels like it’s going to beat out of my chest. It’s hammering against my ribcage, and I can’t stand waiting. I want it to be over, so I know. Is this the real love I think it is or just all in my head?
Finally, after what feels like a lifetime, I hear someone on the other side of the door. I know that I don’t look my best. I did have a quick session at the airport, doing my hair, brushing my teeth, applying make-up and perfume – plus a change of clothes for the occasions – but I’m still so tired. I did have a coffee with an extra shot of espresso to try and perk me up, but it was a long flight, and I wish I was a little fresher meeting Ben for the first time. But it doesn’t matter because I am here, and this is happening. The door finally opens, and standing there is not Ben.
‘Flatmate Simon?’
‘Saskia?’ says Flatmate Simon. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘It’s nice to see you too, mate,’ I say, slightly confused why he’s so utterly horrified to see me. ‘I’ve only just spent the last twenty-four hours flying across the world.’
‘I’m sorry, Saskia, I didn’t mean … I think you should come inside.’
‘Okaaay,’ I reply because this is the first time we’ve met in person, but he’s being really weird about it. I know it must be a shock, me turning up out of the blue like this, but still. I pick up Barbara, follow Flatmate Simon up a flight of stairs, and then inside the actual flat, which I have seen so many times on FaceTime, putting Barbara on the floor of the living room. I look at Flatmate Simon.
‘So, where’s Beno?’
‘You aren’t going to believe this, Saskia.’
‘Believe what?’
