Page 68 of Not Quite a Lady
‘Give me strength.’ His sister sat down in a billow of skirts. ‘Who was she betrothed to before?’
‘A baron.’
‘But she broke it off, and before she knew you had a title?’
‘Yes, but she did not know me then, in any guise.’
‘That is not what I mean. She is quite capable of throwing away an opportunity to marry a titled husband if she does not like him. And she was prepared to marry you on the off-chance that you might have a title one day. In fact she was so determined that she defied all modesty and convention andproposed to you herself.’
Caro regarded him quizzically. ‘Call me a fanciful female if you like, but that gives me just thetiniestsuspicion that she likes you rather more than a little.’
‘Youarea fanciful female,’ Jack responded grouchily. He was not going to admit it, but it felt as though a weight was being lifted off his heart. ‘You deduce that through intuition, I presume?’
‘No, common sense. Now, tell me all about the latest London fashions so I can give you a shopping list for when you go back again.’
‘When are you going back to London?’ Caroline demanded over breakfast on Tuesday morning, four days after Jack had arrived back at Allerton.
‘I have not said that I am going back.’ He reached for the preserve jar and contemplated the gooseberry jam for a while before pushing it away again.
‘Back to London?’ Lady Allerton put down her post and regarded him with concern. ‘You never said anything about going back to London so soon.’
With his father’s peccadilloes recalled so recently to his mind, Jack thought he glimpsed a related anxiety in his mother’s surprise.
‘Caro has a long shopping list she unaccountably forgot to give me before,’ he replied, making light of it. ‘There is possibly some business I might do. I have not yet decided.’
Caroline’s sigh was meant only for his ears and he ignored it. It would be easier if he could make up his mind what he did want to do.
Never normally indecisive, Jack found his days filled with busy, purposive activity but his nights sleepless and undecided. And when he did sleep it was to dream about Lily, hectic, eroticdreams which left him tired and frustrated. And unable to make up his mind.
The bank had proved, in the face of his new research and business proposal, perfectly obliging in the matter of a loan which would enable him to expand the existing working, if not open another one. Provided the seams ran true.
If they did not and the coal failed, then the only way to repay the loan would be to sell the mine and to give up the castle.
For the mine workers and their families it could mean ruin, unless he could sell the pit. Even then, there would be no guarantee the new master would treat the people as he had always tried to do. The loan was the last chance for them, a gamble he was instinctively uneasy about, but one he would risk.
For his own family they would have to fall back on the old Dower House which would be cheaper to run. And then he could content himself with learning to be a farmer and carrying out all those breeding experiments on sheep he had always promised himself he would find time for. It was a less than entrancing prospect, but one which would at least provide for his family in modest comfort.
Mr Roper, his nearest neighbour, was interested in hearing about the latest news on steam engines that Jack had gleaned in London and reciprocated with his own experiences with pumping, admirably concealing his disappointment that Jack had not ridden over to offer him the Allerton shaft to buy.
So, all in all, things were as well as he could expect, and could only be made worse by gallivanting off to London, spending more money and distracting himself with a woman who drove him to distraction and who did not want him, whatever Caroline said.
‘I have a shopping list too,’ Susan put in. ‘I have been looking at those wonderful ladies’ journals you brought us, Jack, and I can see we are woefully behind the mode, all of us.’
‘Then I am afraid you will just have to make do with what the Newcastle modistes can produce and your dress allowances will stretch to,’ Jack said, making up his mind. ‘I am staying here for the foreseeable future.’
He reached for the preserve jar again and spread jam on his toast. He should feel braced and decisive. Relieved even. Why then could he almost smell the smoke of burning bridges and the crackle as lost hopes went up in flames?
Caroline was silent. He could feel her eyes boring into him and kept his own gaze fixed on his newspaper. She was in love, all she could see was happy endings. She wanted her own lover to act decisively, so she was urging her brother to do the same thing.
But she had no responsibilities to consider. No family name to protect.No pride to weigh her down,a jeering voice whispered in his ear.
After the meal the family dispersed to their various occupations, and Jack managed to evade Caroline.
He should have known better. Coming out of his study in search of some estate papers he found himself cornered.
‘Jack. Please reconsider. You are going to regret this all your life if you do not.’
He went back into his study, but short of shutting the door in her face, had to stand aside to let her in. ‘No. I will not discuss it any further, Caroline. I have duties, responsibilities and I am not going to change my mind on this.’
