Page 94 of Pieces of Us
“I’m Nathan. I’m going to take you back to get ready to meet your daughter.”
“Go get ‘em, Daddy.” Audrey pats my knee.
“Don’t tell Mel you called me that.”
“I don’t even want to know.” She smiles at me. “Tell Millie we all love her.”
“I will.”
I follow Nathan through the doors and down the hall. He walks me through the process of hand washing, gowns, and shoe covers. He recommends that I remove my shirt and put mygown on with the opening in the front, so we could do skin-to-skin contact. I read about it in one of the baby books we have at home. The book said it was beneficial to the baby, so I am more than willing to do it.
Nathan runs through the result of the battery of tests that they ran on Millie, and he assures me that she made it through the accident unscathed. He tells me that since she was born a few weeks early, she’ll start in NICU for a few days to make sure she is monitored.
He has me sit in a chair in the room full of machines and other babies, telling me he’ll be right back. I fidget with the gown and fix it so my chest is bare.
The door opens, and he’s pushing a cart, bringing her over to me. Then I hear her, I hear her crying. That cry means she’s okay, she’s here. I never thought I could love a sound so much. Then I smile because I think of Mel’s laugh that first night. Icanlove a sound that much.
I guess I’m a sucker for loud women.
Nathan unwraps Millie from her blanket, leaving her in the tiniest diaper I’ve seen yet, gently lifts her, and hands her to me. The emotions surging through me are almost more than I can bear as I hold her for the first time. She’s warm against me, with a little pink beanie on her head. Her face is scrunched up, cheeks pink as she cries.
“Millie, it’s Dad.” Her crying calms. Is the feeling of my skin helping or does she recognize my voice? I’m fighting everything inside me not to let the tears fall. It’s a feeling I never thought of, that I would have the ability to comfort her. “You need to try to be quiet. You have roommates that are trying to sleep.”
I look down at her, touch her hand, feel her hair. I haven’t held a lot of babies, but I think she has a lot of hair. It’s light like mine. Her skin is pale, and she does in fact have Mel’s nose. I can see Mel’s beauty, and her eyes are shaped like mine.
She’s the perfect mix of pieces of us.
“Millie, do you know you’re the most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen?” I run a finger along her cheek. “Mom’s just taking a nap. You’ll see her in a little bit.” I move her so her head is by my neck, her body flush against mine, and I rock her. She’s so tiny, so new. I’m filled with so much love that I think my ribs might break.
“There are a lot of people here who really love you and your mom. They’re out in the waiting room. I can ask our friend Nathan when they can meet you. You’re going to love them. Well, I don’t know about Marcus. He can be grumpy sometimes, but I bet you can win him over.”
Looking down at her, my heart feels conflicted. I’m experiencing the biggest moment of my life, holding our baby, while Mel is in the operating room. I imagined us experiencing this together. For a split second, I imagine if I had to do this all on my own. I curse the intrusive thought.
“I love you so much, baby girl.” This love, her existence, the way she connects Mel and me, changes everything. I’m a father. It’s all real, and I feel it. As I stare down at her, I know I would move hell or high water for her or her mother.
Nathan comes back with a bottle. “You can try to give this to her. Not sure if she’ll take it yet, but we can try.”
He helps me get the bottle situated, and she takes a bit at a few short clips, but not much after that. Nathan takes the bottle back.
“Good job, Dad. We’ll try again in a little while.”
I sit with Millie for over an hour. My eyes keep going to the clock above the door. It’s been nearly three hours waiting to get some sort of news. Each minute feels like an eternity, like time has stopped until I know Mel is going to be okay, until I can see her, touch her. I do my best to focus on Millie, but it’s hard.
“Hey, Linc.” Nathan approaches. The guy is like a ninja. I didn’t even hear him come into the room.
“Hey, Nathan.”
“The doctor would like to update you on Melonie. Let me take Millie, and you can go talk with her.”
“Okay.” I glance down at Millie’s sleeping face, and as if I haven’t been studying her this entire time, I try to memorize every feature as quickly as I can.
“I’m going to go check on Mama. I’ll be back.”
I kiss her forehead and reluctantly hand her to Nathan. I tie the gown I’m wearing and walk to the door. When I step outside, Dr. McIntyre is waiting for me.
“Linc, how is Millie?”
“She’s amazing. Please tell me you have good news about Melonie.”
