Page 37 of Whispers of Helena
She takes a step toward me, her hands reaching. “It’s me, Silas. It’s Caroline. Don’t you see?”
I shake my head, stumbling as the rushing water comes alive again, the icy current pulling at my legs. Her form flickers, shifting between Helena and Caroline, until I can’t tell what’s real anymore.
“Who the hell are you?” The words tumble from me in a broken roar, a torrent threatening to swallow me whole.
She doesn’t answer, only quietly pleads, “Please, bronco.”
A sharp rock catches my foot, and I fall, the current surging over me as I struggle for air, for balance, for anything solid. Her voice rises above it, calling my name over and over, as the world spins into darkness.
“Silas. Silas, it’s me.”
My body jolts awake.I shoot to my feet, a cold sweat clinging to my skin as I struggle to breathe. My heart races like I’m still caught in the current, still in the dream. Weak-kneed, I collapse against Shadow, his firm frame catching me before I fall. He lets out a soft huff, his dark eyes flicking toward me in quiet reproach.
“Shit,” I mutter, gripping his neck like a lifeline, fingers tangling in his coarse mane. My chest heaves as I rest my forehead against him, the smell of hay and horse grounding me in the present. “She was right fucking there.” The words tear out of me, raw and jagged.
With trembling hands, I stroke Shadow’s mane, seeking comfort like a child might. Minutes bleed together as I try to make sense of what just happened, replaying the dream in my mind. Her voice, her touch, her face shifting like smoke. Was it even her? Caroline? Helena? My grip tightens, frustration surging as I squeeze my eyes shut.
The barn is quiet except for Shadow’s steady breathing and the soft creaks of the wood. The stillness presses down on me, but it’s better than the chaos inside my head.
“Silas?”
Eli’s voice cuts through the fog of my thoughts. My shoulders tense at the sound, and for a moment, I debate pretending I didn’t hear him.
“In here,” I manage, my lungs still fighting to catch a full breath.
His boots echo on the floor as he approaches, rounding theentrance to Shadow’s stall. The lantern in his hand casts a faint light over his face, lined with concern.
“What are you still doing out here?” he asks, his voice softer than usual.
I shake my head; the lie forming before I even know I’m going to say it. “Just came to check Shadow. Must’ve fallen asleep.”
Eli’s brow furrows, and he takes another step closer, the light shifting. His expression softens, sympathy swimming in his eyes. “Silas, it’s almost morning. Go back to your bed.”
I finally meet his gaze, the presence of my grief pressing against my ribs, threatening to crush me. The words come out before I can stop them. “I miss her so damn much, Eli.” My voice cracks, and I hate the weak and vulnerable sound of it.
Eli places a steady hand on my shoulder. “I know you do,” he says, his tone heavy with understanding. “Hell, we’ve all missed her. Caroline wasn’t just a part of your life, Silas, she was part of all of ours. But maybe…” He hesitates, choosing his words carefully. “Maybe it’s time to start making new memories.”
I look away, the suggestion knotting something inside me. “I don’t know if it’s in me to do that,” I mutter.
Eli sighs, his grip on my shoulder tightening for a moment before he lets go. “I said new, Silas. Not different. New.”
His words frustrate me, hitting too close to the truth I don’t want to admit. “What the fuck are you rambling on about?” I snap, though there’s no real heat behind it.
He smiles, a faint, weary thing, and claps my shoulder. “You’ll eventually understand it. When you’re ready.” He steps back, turning toward the tack room. “Now go on inside. If you hurry, you can get another hour of shut-eye before Kiran wakes.”
I don’t argue, even though I know there won’t be any sleep for me. Not now. Not after that dream. I pat Shadow one last time, murmuring a soft “thanks, boy,” before dragging my feet toward the house.
Making my way across the yard, the first hints of dawn golden at the horizon. I’m steps from the house when I feel eyes on me. Iglance back to see if Eli is behind me, but the yard is vacant. Then I move my eyes up.
Helena stands at her window. Curtain pulled back, looking straight at me, her features stagnant. I stand for a moment, waiting for her to step away, for the curtain to fall back into place like it always does. But this time, she stands vigilant. Our eyes locked, a fight of who will break first.
Then I feel warmth wrap around me. Gently at first, then it heats beyond what’s comfortable. Sweat beads at my hairline, my shirt sticks to my chest. I watch Helena’s head tilt the slightest, watch as her eyes become inquisitive. Meanwhile, my chest feels constricted, my breath hitches and my lungs burn. I feel like I’m being consumed from the inside out.
My hand moves to my chest, the burn spreading throughout my body. I gasp for air once and then it all stops, leaving just as fast as it had set in. The morning chill returns; my lungs gather oxygen.
My eyes still on Helena, I stagger back a step, my hand still pressed to my chest. Her face doesn’t change though, her expression remains calm, almost detached, but her eyes. There's something knowing in them that sends a chill crawling up my spine.
She doesn’t move—doesn’t even blink.
