Page 75 of Whispers of Helena
I hesitate, my fingers pressing into my knee. “I don’t know.” The words come slowly. “Sometime when Caroline and I were still living.”
The statement hangs in the cab. It still feels unnatural to say. Like it should belong to someone else’s story. But it doesn’t. It belongs to mine. My life now has a dividing line: Before and after. The living and whatever the hell this is.
Marcel speaks so easily about slipping between timelines, about existing in a way that defies reason. He makes it sound like something you just get used to, like breaking in a new pair of boots. But I don’t see how. Not when every second feels like trying to grab hold of something solid, only to find air.
Eli slaps my arm, jolting me out of my thoughts. “Good you’re getting out then.”
I exhale, shifting in my seat. “Yeah, guess so.”
Dance
Helena
I will build you up again, and you, Virgin Israel, will be rebuilt.Again you will take up your timbrels and go out to dance with the joyful.
Jeremiah 31:4
“Ruth,this might not be a good idea.” I grip the edge of my dress, smoothing it over my thighs. “You know Silas will be here. It’s Eli’s birthday, after all.”
Ruth scoffs, flicking on her blinker as she turns into the gravel parking lot of Ropers, the county’s one and only honky-tonk. A soft red glow from the buzzing neon sign washes over the dusty trucks parked outside on this warm June night. The sound of country music drifts through the open doors, mixing with bursts of laughter from the crowd inside.
“Don’t be silly,” Ruth says, shifting into park. “Think about it. When’s the last time he left that ranch? Sure, he came to see me, but that was during a crisis. You really think he’d go out to a bar? Besides, Eli would be heartbroken if you weren’t here.”
I let out a slow breath, knowing she’s right. Eli has alwaysbeen good to me, and tonight isn’t about Silas, it’s about celebrating a man who has held more things together than any of us give him credit for.
Still, my pulse kicks up as I catch my reflection in the visor mirror. My hair is curled just right, soft waves framing my face. The pink sundress I chose clings in all the right places, light and airy against my skin. And my best dress boots carry just enough scuff to say I belong here.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t pick this dress for a reason. If there’s one thing I know about Silas Hayes, it’s that he’s never been able to resist a sundress.
And if by some impossible chance he does walk through those doors tonight? Well, I want to make damn sure he remembers what he’s pushing away.
Ruth stays close as we step inside, the scent of whiskey and sawdust wrapping around me like an old memory. The bar is lined with familiar faces, town folk nursing their first drinks of the night, voices low but alive with conversation. The dance floor sits mostly empty, waiting for liquid courage to settle into restless limbs. Overhead, pendant lights cast a dim glow over the pool tables in the back, where a few players lean over their cues, deep in thought.
“Goodness, the memories here,” I murmur, letting my eyes wander over the space, each corner holding a piece of my past.
From the edge of my vision, I catch Ruth’s smile. “I remember one night, Eli had to come pick the two of you up after you had too many.”
A laugh escapes me. “We were a mess that night.”
Ruth nods, the bittersweet comfort of nostalgia settling between us. “You were.”
Seven YearsAgo
Silas holds me close, his strong arms wrapped securely around my waist as we sway to the music. The other couples spin and twirl in time with the upbeat tune, but we barely move, lost in ourown rhythm. I don’t care. The gin has my head feeling light, and my husband’s body has me warm.
“Mrs. Hayes, you have had too much to drink, I’m afraid,” he teases, his words slurring.
I let out a playful scoff, swatting his shoulder. “You should talk. You’ve stepped on my toes three times now.”
His lips curve into a lopsided grin. “Just trying to keep you close.” He presses a soft kiss to my forehead. “Sorry our feet get tangled up.”
“It’s okay.” I glance around dramatically, flashing him a smile. “If it means I get to be the envy of every woman in this bar, it’s a small price to pay.”
A flush creeps up his neck, just enough for me to notice. “Caroline, no one’s looking at me when you’re in that dress. You look like every cowboy’s dream tonight. Especially mine.”
I tilt my head up, tracing slow circles on his chest with my fingertips. “Really? I did wear it just for you.”
A deep, satisfied rumble vibrates beneath my hands. “You know I love your dresses...” He leans down, his breath against my ear. “Love it even more getting you out of them.”
