Page 58 of With a Broken Wing
Boom.I clamped my eyes shut, trying to steady my heartbeat.Pop. The fireworks around the city went off in uneven intervals.Boom. Pop.The scattered sizzle of the falling embers matched the buzzing in my head.
* * *
Twelve Years Earlier
The empty pill bottle lay on the floor just out of reach of my hand. I could see my mom’s name on the label and just make out the end of the prescription. The last of the methadone I’d been slowly sneaking from her on bad days had been swallowed with the last gulp of whiskey in my dad’s bottle.
It was the bottle he’d almost finished the night before. My cheek hurt where the skin had been split, and the bruises on my ribs ached against the linoleum floor in my parents’ bathroom. Memories of the way his breath smelled on his threats made my stomach clench and start to cramp.
When I’d made the decision to die, the neighbors were lighting sparklers. A little boy laughed. While his mother smiled at him, mine glared. She didn’t want me. She never did. I was only going to be doing everyone a favor. Except Auston.
He’d lifted the neighbor boy onto his shoulders and stolen his sparkler, and a pang of jealousy hit me. Always so relaxed. He was the only one who loved me, and he was the only one my parents wanted. They’d have their perfect family, and I wouldn’t hurt anymore.
As my eyes flickered open and shut, the rug beneath me started to wave. Each breath was shallower than the last, but my lungs cried out less for the air. A comforting numbness washed over my body. I settled. My limbs felt light.
Boom. Pop.The fireworks the neighborhood set off every year sounded more distant. Would anyone notice I wasn’t watching? Would they notice my breaths stopped coming?
I let out a breath. The bathroom door flew open.Please just let me die.
“Andy!” Auston shouted, and I tried to open my eyes. When he pulled me from the floor and stuck his fingers in my throat, I gagged and everything went quiet.
Present Day
I raninto my brother’s penthouse, stopping at the red hair sprawled against the cream-colored tile. “Andy!” Her face was pale when I dropped to my knees and brushed the hair that was no longer tied back away from her face.
I traced her neck with my fingers, stopping to feel for a pulse. I let out a breath of relief when I felt it. It was erratic, and her breaths were shallow and weak, but she was alive. She would be okay.
When I pulled her to my chest, her body was limp. Her head rolled, landing against my shoulder. “I’m right here. I’ve got you. Please, sunshine. Please wake up.” I ran my fingers through her hair, feeling my throat tighten. “I’m sorry I didn’t let you explain. I never should’ve walked away. I love you.” My voice cracked, and tears ran down my cheeks.
Her breathing hitched, and she whimpered quietly. Slowly, her eyes flicked open. She blinked a few times. “Demetri?” Her breathing was harsh and uneven, matching the uneven heart rate I could feel against her chest.
“It’s me, sweetheart. It’s me.” I ran my hand down her cheek and over her arm, looking for any pain on her face. When there wasn’t any sign of pain, I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her to me. I kissed the top of her head and the side of her face before lifting her hand and kissing the back of it. I nuzzled my face against her neck, pressing my lips to her pulse and breathing deep. The tears still running down my cheeks wet her neck. “Are you okay?”
“Demetri.” It was all she managed before her voice broke and a flood of tears rolled down her cheeks. Her body trembled with her sobs, and she gripped my shirt in her hands until her knuckles were white.
I cradled her body in my arms and stood up. She was small against my chest. Walking her to the couch, I bent over to set her down. In a panic, she wrapped her arms around my neck and gripped.
Her voice came out shrill and full of panic. “No, no, no. Please!” The same terror was in her eyes that was there when I’d found her pinned against the wall. “Please don’t let go.”
I sat down on the couch, keeping Andy held tight against my chest. “I won’t. I’ll hold you forever if you let me, sweetheart.”
I held her, listening to the sound of her breathing changing. She whimpered and shook in my arms. “I’m sorry I ruined your party,” she whispered against my neck.
“Shh, you didn’t ruin anything.” I pressed my lips to the top of her head in a succession of several small kisses. I raked my fingers through her hair and down her back in slow, repeated motions. I lowered my voice to a whisper that matched hers, speaking with my lips still brushing against her temple. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but I know why your birthday is so hard for you.”
She turned her gaze to me. Her hazel eyes were glazed with unshed tears, and her cheeks were pink. “You know?”
I nodded. “Your brother told me about…”
“Oh...” She closed her eyes. “I haven’t had a good life, Demetri. My parents… they… they hate me. They used to hurt me… a lot.” Her voice broke.
I ran my fingers down her cheek, and she opened her eyes. She pressed her face against the contact and swallowed. “When I turned sixteen, it was just all too much. I couldn’t take it anymore. Death would hurt less. I took a bunch of methadone. I don’t remember how much. I just remember hearing the fireworks outside and the way it felt to stop breathing.” Her voice caught in her throat. “It was the only time I’d ever felt at peace.”
She paused, taking a shaky breath and holding it before letting it out. “But I woke up in a hospital. Auston found me. Then they wouldn’t let him take me home because he was only sixteen. They called my parents. I remember my dad telling me before he punched me that they should’ve let me die in the ambulance. I don’t remember anything after that, but Auston was never the same after that night.”
“I’m glad he found you,” I said, wiping a tear from her cheek. “Andy, I’m sorry. I wouldn’t have… I should have protected you. I’ll never forgive myself if I lose you.”
Her lips were soft when I pressed my mouth to hers. I was gentle, cradling the back of her head in my hand while I separated her lips with my tongue before running it along hers. She whimpered, and I pulled back.What is wrong with me?
