Page 92 of Love the Way You Lion
She’s quiet for a few moments, as if considering. “That wouldn’t be fair of me, now would it?”
Goddamnit, why in the hell does everyone think it is okay to trample all over him?
I don’t give them that idea and because he’s laid back doesn’t mean he’s immune to heart break. The screaming in my head is almost deafening as my brain starts spewing things I want to say to her.
If this is what you wanted, you should have said it days ago before Taurus came to him and mated with him!
I breathe in, watching the waves roil as a storm forms far off on the horizon. Counting backward, using my control mechanisms, I get the Beast and the magick inside me to calm. Maeve sends me an indignant push along our bond, making her outrage known, and I send back a soothing calm to keep her from inflaming my primal further.
When I feel everything is in balance, I speak. “Rafe has always guilted himself to death. He blames himself for everything, partially because they blamed us for everything and it stuck. It’s why it took him so long to heal from our exes; he felt he should have known and stopped us from getting involved with them. It doesn’t matter if it’s fair; he’ll do it in a second if he thinks he should. He’s lost someone he cared about to make another person he loved happy before.”
“What?” she blinks, turning me in her arms to look at me. “What do you mean he’s done it before?”
“He’s given someone up to make another love happy because it hurt them to think of it. He did it knowing that the other person was reluctant to do the same for him. It got ugly for a while.”
“That’s like what I was planning to do with Wilde before he died.” She looks thoughtful for a moment. “Was it a non-mate?”
“Yes. It had the potential to become that kind of relationship, so it ruined a friendship and made it hard for everyone in the family for a while. It caused bad things to go down before they came to tolerate one another. It’s not what it was. That was his choice, though, and he lives with it every day.”
Every day he feels the scars on his back that remind him of the danger of letting someone decide who he can and cannot love. I can’t tell her that because it is not my story to tell. The events that led to those scars almost tore my household apart.
She’s definitely not getting that kind of weapon when she’s doing this.
The Storm Begins To Form
DELILAH
My statement seems to make her uncomfortable, and she pulls away, rising to her feet and holding her hand out. “Do you want to walk the tides with me?”
I nod, letting her pull me to my feet. Holding her hand, I walk down the beach with the surf breaking over our feet. The sound is soothing and the smells are fantastic, making my senses overload with a peace that doesn’t quite reach my troubled heart. I don’t know what she’ll decide, and I don’t know what he’ll do when she does, but I’m preparing for a world of hurt for both of us. I should never have allowed that night to happen; I knew they could not handle being a family in that way. Their beliefs do not allow for that kind of structure.
It’s my fault for getting him and me into a situation that might break both of our hearts and affect the happiness we’ve had.
Again.
I stay quiet, unable to voice any of this to her for fear of making this whole thing worse.
She whispers, “If he gave up Taurus, I’d have to give you up. It’s the only way it would be fair. But I don’t want to do that.”
That’s what she’s concerned about? Giving up on me, not what it will do to him if he has to do that again?
“He would never ask you to do that. He might not even let you.” I shrug, feeling my inadequacy at explaining how Rafe and I work, what we do for those we love, and how we see the sacrifice. “He’d tell you it is his choice. He’s very stubborn.”
“I’d have to, damn it. I gave up Wilde for him, and I don’t want to give up on you, but I’d have to. My ethos wouldn’t allow that imbalance.”
It’s not fair of her to make me discuss this hypothetical when the possibilities are making my heart crack in half as we speak. It happens every time.
When will I learn?
I can’t let her see, though. I can’t let anyone see me break like that again. “I guess you’d both do what you felt was right.”
Her snort is bitter, and I’m surprised. “I think he’s in love with Taurus. I know he’s out of his mind for him.”
Sighing, I stop walking for a moment, looking out into the sea. “We’ve not been fortunate in the past with this. Perhaps I should not have let it get this far. I don’t know what he’s feeling, but I could find out. I’ve been trying not to be nosy. To be truthful, he was in love with someone else that he gave up. He’ll live.”
My flippant response doesn’t account for how broken we both are by now. It doesn’t address how hard it is to even let anyone in—much less multiple people—and now the person we didtrust might destroy us.
Keeping my face calm and detached, I nod. “You may have a point, but again, it is outside of both of our control. I wasn’t being nasty; it’s the truth. He’s set in his ways, and I know how he is. I’m not being accusatory, only honest.”
