Page 95 of Love the Way You Lion
Detonation: inevitable.
“What’s wrong? What’s with the sand pounding?”
She isn’t this dense, is she?
“I don’t know what he did. If I were a betting woman—and I am—I’d say he’s irrational. He would talk to Taurus before he took flight, which makes this entire conversation moot.”
My reason for being here just went up in smoke, and now I need to prepare for the fallout. I run my hands over my face, trying to build another room to store this crap inside. I see the atrium in my mind with its ornate doors, so now I need to construct a new one for her.
Shooting to her feet, she gives me an angry look and stalks towards the water. “That’sjustlike a man. It’s not Taurus that he needs to talk to! That lazy, long-haired stoat needs to talk tomeor at leastactas he wants to, god fucking dammit!”
Well, if that’s not the kettle... This sucks.
I’m keeping quiet because I can’t help, and she has no idea that she’s being unfair to both of us. Talia is as damaged as he and I are. She’s self-destructing all our happiness because she’s got a self-esteem issue.
Turning back from the waves, she pushes her hair out of her face. “And it would be nice if it wasn’t because my irritating, interfering, dickhead of a mate had to open his motherfucking mouth!”
If this were anyone else, I’d look at this situation like a farce.
Talia is feeling unloved, so she ponders hurting me to help herself. Rafe feels guilty for finding some happiness. Taurus—who the hellknows what he’s doing—but it seems he’s getting screwed as much as I am. All she wants to do is whine about two men who adore her trying to do things to make her happy.
“Look, I only meant it wouldn’t be out of character for him to have told Taurus they can’t be together. If he felt your pain, he wouldn’t wait for you to ask. He would do it, come to you, apologize, and move on. That’s what he does for the people he loves. He takes care of them.”
“If he does that, I will get so fucking pissed off that it’s not even funny.” She stalks back over to me, looking incensed, and for the life of me, I can’t figure out why. Everything has worked out how she wanted without her even having to be the bad guy. She’s got what she wants. Why so angry? “Do you at least understand that it’snotabout Taurus?”
I blink. “I guess. It seems like he’s the problem, but it’s deeper than that.”
“It’s how Rafe is with me. If I were as secure in him as I am in you, this would not be a problem. But it’s alwaysyou tellingme how much he cares, or Taurus, but never him. Honestly? If this is how he’s always going to be, then I’d rather he gave me up and be with Taurus. He’d be happier, and I’d hurt less.”
That floors me.
She ran off with me rather than talking about her problems. She hasn’t contacted him since we’ve been together. She’s feeling insecure about him, but emoting with me. She left with me—taking me to a place she’s only taken me and that idiot Wilde to.
I feel bad, but I can’t say anything about it. “Talia, he didn’t realize you felt insecure. Rafe would cut off a limb for people he loves. He’s racked with guilt because he didn’t make you feel happy andloved. You feel secure with me, which can’t help. He’s never been enough for our mates, and you just struck that chord hard.”
Talia finally stops yelling, so I guess I should go on. She needs to hear this from someone looking in from the outside. “You don’t get it. He may not have said this in words, but if he gives you up, he’s gone. He won’t be with anyone. I felt it by the time he thought you were leaving—panic. I felt the bone-deep fear of loss so great that you can’t claw your way out. Everything inside him stopped. He was so far gone when you two started. After all the shit and the pain, he was ready to hit the road. You changed that.”
Her expression is dumbfounded, and she sucks in a breath. “You mean that if I don’t—if I give him up, he’ll go away?”
Someone needs to be sane right now, and as usual, it’s me.
“He might if he’s shattered; I don’t know if he can take it. It has broken him for so long—like me—and I can’t hold it together for him while he heals this time. It drained me the last time; hell, it still drains me. He let you in farther than anyone else. I don’t know if he can come back from it. Why the hell would he come back if that’s how you feel?”
Perhaps I’m speaking for him; perhaps I’m speaking for myself. I’m not sure if the two aren’t inseparable right now. We’re both headed for a fall, depending on what she does. I can’t say that I know whether I’ll ever be able to look at her again if she leaves. I can’t even say if it won’t break me so that I can’t look at Taurus. Rafe can’t be any different.
How can I judge him for something I feel so keenly after an even shorter time than he’s been with Talia?
She gets paler, holding her stomach and murmuring, “I can’t. He can’t go away. I love him. He can’t.” Dropping to her knees, she looks like she’s going to barf.
I sigh heavily at the dramatics. That’s yet another thing I won’t be able to handle. My stomach roils for a moment, and I plead with Maeve internally to help me be strong. Having PTSD, anxiety, trauma, and being pregnant simultaneously is shit when things get emotional like this. But I can’t escape people who consistently want to be the main character in everything, and it seems like I’ve run afoul of them again.
Exactly what did she expect to happen when she let loose with all this?
Despite my feelings for her, I’m getting resentful of her self-centered misery and tired of being the go-between for two people who need to talk to each other. Goddess, I miss Taurus. I wish he were here so much because he’d know what to say. It might be ugly and painful, but he’d know. He’d see I’m hurting, and she doesn’t see or care.
“I’d give him up to Taurus or to anyone, but he can’t go away. I have to know that he’s happy, that he’s out there, even if I never see him again. Oh god. Oh god. I’m going to be sick.”
Sighing again, I rub my temples as a massive headache forms. “I’m sure that he feels as if he’s failed you. Because of his past, one of his biggest fears is not being able to give enough, not being able to be enough to make people happy. He might even think you’ll be better off with me. Neither of you trusts each other as much as you should.”
