Page 51 of A Furry Thing Called Love
“Yeah.”He reaches up and grips the back of my head, kissing me firmly.
I don’t need any prompting to sit in his lap, my knees hitting the arms of the desk chair, but I’d rather be uncomfortable than not get as close to Arlo as possible.
“You know what we haven’t talked about?”I ask when the kiss breaks.
Arlo takes a shuddery breath.“Sex…”
“Mmhmm.”I lean in and kiss him again.“We don’t have to, if you don’t want to.It can wait, I’m not in any rush.”
He laughs.“You, in a rush for sex?I’d believe Hell is freezing over first.”
“Shut up.”Pressing our foreheads together, I close my eyes.“You’re the only one who’s ever really understood me, Arlo.Who accepted the whole ace thing like it didn’t matter.I mean, Val was great in helping me figure it out, but by then I knew them too well.I knew it would come between us eventually, no matter how badly we wanted our relationship to work.”
I love Val, but I learned a long time ago that love was always as a friend.It doesn’t mean I’m not thankful for their presence in my life.
“It doesn’t.Hell, there are a hundred different ways to say you love me, and being sexually attracted to me isn’t one of them.”
I almost fall off his lap, as I laugh so hard at his wording.
Arlo rolls his eyes.“You know what I mean, asshole.”
“Yeah, I do, but you understand how that sounds?”
He huffs and his lips twitch, as if he’s holding back a smile.“I do.But how else do you want me to explain it?”
I shift a little, trying to get more comfortable.“Am I hurting you?”
He shakes his head.“No, you’re fine.Anyway, as I was saying, I don’t need you to try to be something you’re not, Jor.It’s like me with penetration.No one else really understood.
“Well, that’s one thing I can give Will credit for.He was a side as well, so he understood that part.What he couldn’t understand was that sometimes I just couldn’t.Whether it was a bad flare day, or I wasn’t up for it emotionally or mentally, he didn’t understand.”
I shake my head in disgust.“I really want to know what you saw in that guy.”
Arlo shrugs.“I don’t know.I think I just…wanted to forget.I wanted to have some sense of normalcy, even if I knew it was with someone who was never going to be my person.”
Our gazes lock, and the soft look in his eyes takes my breath away.
“Fuck, you’re amazing, you know that?”
He smiles shyly.“No, but I don’t mind hearing you say it.Knowing how you see me?I don’t know how to explain it.I’ve had enough therapy dealing with my diagnosis, and how that affects my self-image, to know I don’t need someone else’s validation, but…it makes me feel as if you love me as much as I do you.”
“Oh, I totally love you more,” I tease.
He rolls his eyes.“Sure, okay.”
“In all seriousness though?I admire you, Arlo.You could have let your illness define you, and I know from what you’ve told me that it changed who you were.But to me, it seems you’ve embraced life, rather than letting your MS rule everything, and I’m not sure I’d be as strong as you if it were me.”
Arlo blushes.Reaching up to cup my cheek, he leans in and kisses me gently.“You would, because that’s the type of person you are.Look how fast you adapted to my needs when we first met, how you’re able to balance the various needs of your menagerie.You’re such a breath of fresh air, Jor.I know how lucky I am to have you in my corner.Even when you’re being a mother hen.”
I chuckle.“I’m doing quite well with that, thank you very much.”
“You are.You don’t make me feel like a burden, or less than, simply because I need help.Does the mother henning get on every last aching nerve I have?Yes, but I wouldn’t change you for the world.I wouldn’t changeus.So…sex, no sex, none of that matters to me.”
I let out a shaky breath as a weight I’ve tried not to carry lifts from my chest.Arlo and I, we’ve been through this before, but we both know this was a much-needed conversation.
People change, as do circumstances.Just because Arlo knows me and my history, that doesn’t mean we can skip the whole “I have sex when I want to, but rarely do I ever feel theneedto” conversation.
Same as I knew his sexual preferences as a side from before, but anything could have changed in our time apart, be it what he likes, or how his MS has affected his sexual needs.
