Page 6 of A Furry Thing Called Love
Maybe I was a masochist in my past life, because despite my heart and my head both telling me to run in the other direction, I end up walking over to him.
Arlo looks up at me warily, clutching a to-go cup of coffee in his hand.“Morning,” he says slowly, cautiously, like he doesn’t know what to make of me.
To be honest, I don’t know what to do with myself, either, but…it’s not in my nature to walk away, even when I’m dying inside.
“Good morning.What are you doing out here so early?”
He shrugs.“Couldn’t sleep.Which is the stupidest thing in the world.Chronic fatigue is one of my symptoms, but I also have fucking insomnia.Made worse when dealing with a prolonged relapse like I am right now—though I can’t find it in me to try to decipher if it’s been made worse by the move, or if it's just one of the longer relapses and I would have felt this way had I stayed in Seattle.”
He blinks then huffs.“I’m sorry.Tired is an understatement, and it makes me a…”
“Cranky bitch?”I helpfully supply.
Arlo snorts.“Something like that.”He watches me carefully before softly saying, “I didn’t expect to see you again so soon, either.It’s throwing me a little.”
I shuffle on my feet, reaching down to pet Indie—who’s finally decided to grace us with her presence—to avoid looking at him.“I can leave, if you want.”
“I don’t know what I want, Jor.That’s the problem.”He sighs and drinks his coffee.“I’m not sure what I expected when I decided to make the move.I simply knew I had to do it, no matter what.”
“I get that.”
The lightest blue eyes I’ve ever seen look up at me.“I guess, of everyone in my life, apart from my sister, you’ve always known me best, so maybe you do get it.”
My heart skips a beat as our eyes connect, and the traitorous feelings I locked up so long ago try to break free of the box I shoved them in.I so want to believe that’s true, but the years between us say otherwise.
Clearing my throat, I look away, not wanting to embarrass myself as the threads of panic from seeing him once again start to claw at me.“I should go, let you enjoy your coffee in peace.”
“You don’t have to.I mean, if you don’t have anywhere else to be right now?”
Is that hope in his voice?Or is my traitorous heart only wishing for it?
“I think it’s better if I go.Besides, I need to get Indie and everyone else at home fed.”Arlo flinches, and a piece of me dies at hurting him, even if that wasn’t my intention.Fuck, this is too much.I need to get out of here.
“I…” Swallowing, I blow out a harsh breath.“My number is the same.I know I gave you my card, but I thought I’d let you know, in case you threw it in the trash or something.So…if you need to call me, for anything, please don’t hesitate to.I know things are…weird, and we, well, we agreed a clean break would be for the best, but I’d hate to hear you needed someone and no one was there for you.So…the offer is there, should you ever need it.”
Arlo looks away, reaching down to pet Eli, as if he needs that comfort, and fuck do I know the feeling well.“Mine’s the same as well.I…I know you have family, friends, and the like, but…I still care about you, Jor.So…don’t hesitate.”
I give him a wobbly smile.“I still care, too.”Part of me hopes my words get lost in the sea breeze, but the way Arlo’s eyes widen a little, and his lips part, tells me I’m not that lucky.
“I’ll see you around.”
“Yeah.”
I can feel his gaze burning into me as Indie and I walk away, but I don’t dare turn around, lest he see the tears in my eyes.Fuck.Talk about awkward.
But, I meant what I told him, I’ll be there if he ever needs me, even if it kills me.
Chapter5
Arlo
Today is a good day.And for once, I’m not trying to bullshit myself.When I woke up this morning, I could actually feel both sides of my body right away, which isn’t something that’s happened since I relapsed a few months ago.
The morning routine is still slow, but I feel more myself than I have in months, and that’s something, at least.
“Here, Millie.”Sitting in a kitchen chair, I pat my leg, and though she comes right away, it takes a few times to get her to actually sit.When she sees the harness, she tries to run away, but I hold fast to her collar.
“We’re going out,” I tell her.“Hold still.”
