“No, you’re fine, I was—I mean,” Brennan said helplessly. His brainwas fried, okay? Which was why he followed that up by blurting, “Did you send that text?”
Cole blinked. “What text?”
He reached for his phone, tapped until the text was on-screen, and held it out to Cole.
Cole leaned forward, his free hand moving to the phone to stabilize it. His fingers brushed Brennan’s, and that made something horribly fluttery go off in his chest. Cole’s eyes scanned the screen, the blue light illuminating his freckles. It seemed unfair that he looked so handsome while staring at something that could ruin Brennan’s life.
“I didn’t send that,” Cole said after a moment, one hand to his chest, allscout’s honor.“And I didn’t tell anyone about you. I promise.”
“What about Mari? She saw me earlier outside Michaelson—”
“Mari didn’t even notice any blood missing. Besides, if she had a problem with you, she wouldn’t send weird texts about it. She’d tell it to your face.”
Cole offered a smile but concern pinched his brow. Just like that, Brennan felt ashamed for even thinking it couldpossiblybe Cole. The balloons in Brennan’s stomach popped and deflated and he was left with empty, guilty aftershocks. He scrubbed a hand over his face. He wished he could collapse into bed and sleep for eight years, but then, he couldn’t sleepat allanymore.
“I’m sorry for coming off as a total dick, like, all the time,” Brennan said.
Cole snorted, waved his pack of cigarettes toward where Brennan was blocking his way.
“Not atotaldick,” Cole corrected, “and not all the time.”
Brennan stepped aside to let Cole out of the doorway, but let the door click shut behind him. Suddenly, returning to his room with his tail between his legs wasn’t good enough.
“I’m serious,” Brennan said again, while Cole sprawled out on the cobbled porch steps and lit the cigarette. “You were trying to help. I was an asshole.”
The smell of the smoke turned rancid up close with his stronger senses. It was kind of gross.
“You obviously needed to be alone,” Cole said. “That’s, uh. Valid.”He took a long drag, looking up at Brennan, and Brennan wanted to sit with him. Instead he pushed his hands into his pockets and leaned against a column next to the porch, keeping a careful distance from Cole but making it clear he wasn’t running away.
Cole asked, “That was a panic attack?”
Of course Cole was going to be, like,coolabout it. Cole was the Cute Library Blanket Guy; he probably volunteered with the elderly and rescued kittens from trees in his spare time. It made Brennan feel more like complete shit.
Brennan always felt like he was on display when he was around Cole. It was like being naked, and unfortunately, not in a sexy way. Cole saw Brennan’s worst parts, and Brennan barely knew Cole beyond the perfect, glorified meme version of him.
“Yeah,” Brennan said finally. “I’ve basically been on the verge all week.”
“Do you get them often?”
Brennan gave in and sat on the steps, below Cole and with two feet between them. He took in the night sky. It was a nice night, all things considered. The first traces of autumn painted the leaves with red and brown and gold, intercepting clear skies and bright stars.Ursa major,he greeted,Orion.When he was younger he had loved astronomy, but the vastness of the universe had long since brought Brennan panic instead of comfort.
“No,” Brennan said. If nothing else, Cole deserved an explanation. “Only when things are really bad. I almost had one earlier today so this was kind of—inevitable. Like, built up.” He turned his head, trying to sneak a glance at Cole. “Do you?”
Cole didn’t seem bothered. “I have friends who do. It’s normal.”
“More normal than vampirism,” Brennan guessed.
This, surprisingly, made Cole’s face twitch from its relaxed mask, but Brennan couldn’t for the life of him identify the quirk of his mouth around the cigarette.
Until Cole said, “Oh, so we’re addressing this now?”
Brennan blinked. “You’re acting like youwantto.”
“Of course I want to!” Cole burst, like he’d been waiting for the opportunity, lowering the cigarette as he shifted to face Brennan. “Howis it more weird for me to talk to you about your life than to keep acting like I don’t know you’reliterallya vampire?”
It was a decent point, but Brennan was more taken aback by the outburst, that Cole was even capable of it.
“I didn’t mean for anyone to find out,” Brennan tried. “You weren’t supposed to know.”
