“I’ve tried to bribe that boy with everything. Including my ice cream.” Mom crosses her arms and hones in on me. “What do they talk about—did you ask her?”
I nod. “Nothing, really. When I picked him up today she mentioned they’d chatted again, but since he was working at her store, you’d think he would.”
“He kind of spoke to me today,” Austin chimes in. “You were still inside the bookstore. When I asked if he’d like to go back to help Georgie sometime.”
I stare at Austin with disbelief. “And?”
Austin shrugs his shoulders. “He said yes.”
“That’s all?” I ask, fighting the instantaneous urge I have to roll my eyes. Putting the paperwork down, I rake my fingers through my hair, massaging my scalp in an attempt to keep the headache that’s sure to come at bay.
Austin nods, his eyes sliding over to my mother andexchanging a look. Like a silent request for permission. Judging by the glare my mother is giving him, the answer is no, but that doesn’t stop my brother.
“What’s that look for?” I ask, pointing to the two of them, my finger swaying back and forth in the wind. “That. That look.”
“Well, maybe raising a ten-year-old isn’t the thing you should be doing right now, Levi,” Austin says, his voice low.
A bubble of irritation wells in my chest, followed by a crack of pain so sharp I’m pretty sure I am about to have a heart attack. It passes quickly, but I’m certain it’s added fuel to my fire.
“That is so easy for you to say, isn’t it?” I take another swig of my beer, placing the bottle on the ping-pong table before I lean on it to stabilize myself. I feel like a kite without a string and I don’t want to come unhinged right now. “You’re not the one who was asked to take care of him, Austin. I was.”
Austin holds his hands up in surrender. “Dude. I’m not against you; I simply want to remind you that life could be different. Maybe you don’t have to be a stand-in father for Duncan. It could be better if he goes to live with his grandmother, you know?”
He angles himself to look at my mother, raising his hands in the air even higher. “Please back me up here and tell him I have a point?”
“Of course you do,” she acquiesces. “However, that’s your opinion. This is up to Levi, honey, not us.”
“It’s not even up to Levi anymore, is it?” I say, talking about myself in the third person and standing up tall and swiping at the paper again, whipping it off the table to scan it once more. “It’s up to the courts to decide if I’m going to be a good enough—what do you call it, Austin? Stand-in parent?—to take care of Duncan.”
“I didn’t mean it to upset you,” he says, rising from hisseat. Austin’s tone is apologetic, but I’m looking for a scapegoat. “I’m playing devil’s advocate. I wish I could unsay it.”
“But you said it.” I grab a stray ping-pong ball and start bouncing it on the table. “And that’s something we can’t do while there’s a ten-year-old kid running around here, is it? We can’t go off and say what we think.”
“We’ve always had an open convo policy in our family,” my mother intervenes, her eyes focused on me, watching as I bounce this silly ball. It sounds somewhat soothing.Patink, patink, patink.There’s a cadence as I let it go, watch it connect with the table, and then grab it again out of the air.Patink, patink, patink.
“Your brother only wanted to tell you what he thinks, Levi, so don’t silence him because it’s not what you want to hear,” she continues, her eyes following the ball. “Right now, you need to be open to all options because it’s kind of out of your hands.”
“I’m going to get a lawyer.”Patink, patink, patink.
“Of course you will, and I’ll help you find them. In fact…” Austin scurries to the other side of his desk, opening his laptop. “I’ll pull up some names now.”
“I can do it myself.”Patink, patink, patink.
There’s a rustling sound as my mother attempts to rise from the beanbag. It’s over-stuffed and oversized, remember, so it likes to eat those who even dare to rest on it. I watch her struggle in my periphery for only a moment before I finally chuck the stinking ball against the wall on the other side of the room, vindicated by the smack it makes when it hits, and offer my hand to pull her out of what must feel like bean-filled quicksand.
“I was wondering if either one of you would come help me,” she says with a chuckle, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “Look, you need to calm down. I don’t know whatyou have to do to find some solace right now, but I’m going to kick you out of here while you find it.”
“What?”
“You heard me. You’re in shock from being served, we all are, and it stings. The past year has been one shock after another, one life change too many in my opinion, but we’ll handle it.” She makes a sweeping motion with her hands that encompasses the room. “All of us—Duncan, too—we’ll handle it as a family. But you need to calm down fast. You’re the father figure now. That boy”—she points toward the barn door—“the one playing video games and not engaging with us, needs an adult who has got his back, okay? He needs someone who is gonna show him how to be a good man. A strong and patient and kind man. I cannot think of anyone else who is better for that job, in the absence of Tom, than you.”
I let her words wash over me, letting them sink in fully. Slowly I nod my head. “You’re right.”
“Did I hear you correctly? Is my son admitting his mother is right?” she asks, teasing back in her tone and a slight smile beginning to play on her lips.
“Yes. I’m admitting you’re right. You’re a mom after all; I think you’ve got an idea of what this job entails.”
“Good point,” she says, kissing my cheek. “Now, go. I don’t care where it is, just go to it and come back later. After dinner, preferably.”
