Page 17 of Forbidden Billionaires: Vol. 9
“A fedora?”
“Cigars?”
“A three-piece suit?”
“Really good chicken parm?”
“Cement shoes?” suggested Slavanka.
“Oooh,” I said. “Those really are excellent for disposing of bodies in the Hudson. And they’re deceptively difficult to make. Contrary to popular belief, you can’t just pour cement into a standard shoe. You need a nice steel toe so it doesn’t tear from the weight. And a little rebar can go a long way.”
“What about a baseball bat that’s extra good at breaking kneecaps?” said Ash.
“No, no,” said Slavanka. “Repeal RICO act.”
How the hell does Slavanka know about the RICO act?She could barely speak English. “That’s actually an amazing idea. But congress isn’t in session until after Christmas.”
Slavanka frowned. “Then we buy baseball bat. Extra thick to break kneecap better.”
“We could engrave them with motivational quotes,” added Ash. “Like… Snitches get stitches. Or… I’d hate for something to happen to this lovely shop of yours.”
“I’m not sure those qualify as motivational quotes, but I’m loving this idea. I think it’s the perfect gift if we add a device inside that can detect bugs.”
“Great idea,” said Ash. “That way no centipedes can catch them by surprise.”
What? No. I obviously meant listening devices.But we were basically on the same page. And we didn’t have any more time to dilly dally. “Perfect plan. Let’s get packing. We need to leave in a few hours if we’re going to have time to hit the slopes.”
HoHoHo - Chapter 5 – Freezing My Nips Off
Christmas Eve, 2013
“Merry Christmas Eve!” I yelled and nudged Ash.
“Huh?” she rolled over and wiped some drool off her mouth.
“We’re about to land! And it’s Christmas Eve!”
“Land where?” She looked very confused.
“At the ski resort. In Germany.”
“You no worry,” added Slavanka. “Stalin kill Nazis. Germaniya okay now.”
“Nazis weren’t my primary concern,” said Ash. “I was more confused about how the hell I ended up on a plane.”
Oooh. Right.Ash had had banana juice last night. Which meant she was going to pretend like she didn’t remember any of what happened. Or maybe she really didn’t remember…
Either way, I brought her up to speed on everything.
“Wow. Did I hit my head sledding or something? I remember the first half, but everything after that is just a big black hole in my mind.”
“Does your head hurt?” I asked.
“No, actually. I slept like a baby. I can’t believe I slept so well on a plane.”
“What’s so hard about sleeping on a plane?” I asked. The plush seats and gentle hum of the engine was so comforting. Daddy’s fun jet was the best.
“Usually there are arms and legs everywhere and if you aren’t careful you’ll end up with your head sliding into the lap of a very handsy old man.” Ash shuddered at the thought.
