Page 138 of The Howl
“Adira thinks you’re being difficult just to be difficult. How can a woman who’s spent years with you know you so little?”
I looked at Mom.
“And you know me better?”
“I think I do. You sent those boys running on purpose because you’re feeling cornered, not because you’re stubborn.” She sighed. “None of us like feeling cornered, Eliana. I would have struck out, too.”
“Isn’t that why Dad’s here?”
“No, baby. Never. He’s not a punishment. He’s the reason you are the way you are.”
“No, Mom, you are. He’s human and simple. Give him food and water and shelter, and he’ll be fine. Well, he would have been before you fed from him. Now he doesn’t even think of the things he needs to live because all he thinks he needs is you.
“I don’t even know who I am. How can I be the center of anyone’s existence?”
She studied me a moment then looked up at the stars.
“You’re a deeper person than I am. I don’t always understand you, but it will never diminish my love of you. Nico and Nikhil didn’t work out. It’s not the end of the world. We’ll try again. And next time, it won’t be a surprise or forced on you. We’ll plan together.”
I stood and brushed off the snow.
“I don’t want random food, Mom. I want forever. Something I can’t have without ruining whomever I choose. My life isn’t a blessing; it’s a cursed existence with a string of regrets waiting to happen. You want to help me? Please, just leave me to whatever fate I find on my own.”
“I can’t do that, baby, because you’ve made it very clear what you would choose.”
I walked away from her, taking the path to the outer edges of the garden where it was the quietest. There, I let a few frustrated tears fall.
“It’s a little cold out here for that,” Fenris said from nearby.
“Nothing is working, Fenris. They won’t listen.”
I turned and saw he already had his arms open. This time, he wasn’t asking for payment; he was offering comfort. I threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his waist and letting the tears free. He made soothing sounds and smoothed his hand over my hair. I didn’t know how long we stayed like that.
It wasn’t until the tears finally dried up that I realized how dangerous breaking down like that could have been for him. But as he continued to run his hand over my hair and rested his chin on the top of my head, I knew nothing bad had happened. So, I stayed as I was and didn’t let go.
“Want to tell me what happened?” he asked softly.
“Adira brought family over for dinner. My dinner. Two frost giant twins named Nico and Nikhil. I got so mad.” I shook my head into his bare chest. “I shouldn’t have taken it out on them. I think I scared them.”
“You?” Fenris asked with a slight laugh to his voice. “All five feet and one hundred pounds of you?”
I lifted my head to scowl at him. “I’m five four and weigh more than that.”
He gave me an appraising look then shook his head.
“Nope. Doesn’t matter. Still doesn’t make you scary.”
I sighed and set my head back on his chest.
“Am I being stupid and stubborn, Fenris? Should I just do what they want and feed on someone?”
“Could you?” he asked. “If I offered myself to you right now, could you feed from me without hating yourself for it?”
“No.”
“Then you’re not being stubborn. You just have some issues to work through.” His hand smoothed over my back, pressing me a little more firmly against his heat. “And you will work through them. I have faith in you.”
“Thanks,” I said, giving him a slight squeeze before reluctantly pulling away from him. “Things were way less complicated before my mom got here. I know she loves me, but gods, I wish she would just leave. I can’t deal with her and Adira at the same time.
