Page 1 of The Hunger
CHAPTER ONE
Struggling to breathe through my panic, I stared at Fenris. He’d done it again. Fooled me into thinking everything was fine. However, our lives were anything but “fine.” And this time, the blame was all mine.
For weeks, I’d been feeding on Fenris in my sleep.
All those cake dreams had been nothing but a subconscious illusion to hide from the truth…I might be hurting someone I cared about. I had desperately needed Fenris to be okay like he and my mom had said he’d be. But I now saw the truth in his eyes as he looked at me so hopefully. No matter how much I wanted to deny it, he was under my thrall.
He’d been quietly obsessing about me for weeks, and I’d passed off his attention as simple caring. I could see his fixation and raw need in the way he looked at me. I could smell it in the surrounding air. Fenris’s very real lust wasn’t due to his late mate run but by all those midnight feedings.
I’d broken Fenris as thoroughly as I’d feared I would.
“I’m so sorry,” I said, pain robbing my words of volume.
He grabbed me by the shoulders, locking me in place.
“Don’t doubt yourself, Eliana. Don’t doubt us.”
Each desperate word he spoke drove a spike of pain through my heart.
“You did exactly what I’d hoped you would do. Exactly what you were meant to do, Eliana.”
Stealing his free will wasn’t what I was meant to do. Ever. He had the right to have his own thoughts. Ones that didn’t revolve around me. That was why I’d refused to feed for so long. All that hunger and suffering, and for what?
No one could have hated themselves more than I did in that moment.
“If I were anyone other than myself, Fenris, that would be the truth. But you know I never wanted this.”
Fenris sighed and leaned in, gently kissing my forehead as he breathed in deeply.
“Your mom is upstairs. Go to her. But walk, Eliana. Do you understand?”
His gruff words and the reminder not to run from him fractured me further.
I slipped from his hold and pushed my way through the bodies until I reached the stairs. The troll standing guard moved aside for me without a word, and I continued up without looking back once. My hand shook as I let myself into Mom’s office.
At the sound of the door, she looked up from the paperwork on her desk. The annoyance in her expression melted into concern when she saw me.
“Baby, what’s happened? You’re pale. Is Adira here?” she asked as she peered out the glass wall.
I shook my head, and the fragile mask of composure I’d been wearing shattered. Tears started falling, and I crossed the room as Mom stood. She hugged me hard and continued holding me, without saying anything.
“I just fed on Fenris,” I choked out after a long silence.
“Oh, baby. It’s okay. I know you never wanted to feed in public, but I promise no one is going to think poorly of you.”
“That’s not it, Mom. He tasted familiar.” I pulled back enough to look her in the eye. “I’ve been feeding on Fenris for weeks. In my sleep. I thought I was only having really good dreams. But it wasn’t that. I’d been actually feeding on him.” I pulled out of her arms and started to pace as I cried. “It was the stupid window.”
“The window?” Mom echoed, clearly confused.
“It doesn’t matter. What matters is that I messed up. All the talk about feeding and pushing, pushing, pushing! It got in my head. I was fine before that. Who cares if I was a little hungry? At least, Fenris was still himself.”
“Baby, I’m sure he’s—”
“He’s what? Not struck dumb by my beauty? Inconsolable without my presence? You know what happens to them when we feed. I didn’t want that. Gods, I’m so angry right now. Why did you say anything to Adira? He was fine with his herd of girls. Safe. But no. You both thought it was a great idea to push a lusty werewolf at me. Never mind that he was my friend and trusted me to have the control not to hurt him.
“I didn’t think it was possible to hate myself any more than I did. Turns out I was wrong about everything.”
“Baby, don’t say that. Don’t hate what you are. You’re an amazing young woman.”
