Page 35 of The Hunger
It tempted me so much that my eyes flickered, and I turned my head away. Megan exhaled heavily and hugged me hard.
“I get it,” she said. “The self-loathing. The wondering why you can’t just be normal.” She pulled back and forced me to look at her. “Sometimes, I think our moms didn't do us any favors by raising us in the human world. We came here, thinking what’s out there is our measure of normal. It's not. We are what the gods made us. But then, I think of how I might have turned out without knowing the human world first. The gods may have made us, but our moms gave us access to the knowledge we needed to choose to be a better version of ourselves.”
“I don't feel like a better version. I feel like a drug addict. All I can think about is my next fix.”
“I get it. There's no fighting the anger I feel around a wicked person. But I choose how I react. That's why, for the first time in Great Grandma's memory, there's a fourth generation to guide the newest.
“Stop trying to ignore your hunger. Instead, choose how you eat. You aren't your mom, Eliana. Stop torturing yourself for her choices. I'm not human. You can't hurt me.”
Those familiar words made me feel sick and so very hungry.
“I've heard that before,” I admitted, “and it wasn't true.”
“Trust me. It's true. If it weren't, Gran wouldn't have been able to send a few famous courtesans to hell.”
“I know you’re trying to make me feel better and to be here for me, but not like this. Please stop offering.”
She studied me for a minute. “I've made your meals before, and you’ve eaten those with no problem. Help me understand why this isn’t the same.”
I gave her an incredulous look.
“It's sexual energy, Megan. I mess with the pleasure center of your brain when I eat. It affects your thoughts. Your priorities. It’s a form of manipulation. I can’t manipulate a cheeseburger.”
Megan considered me for a long moment.
“I told you and Oanen the basics of what happened when I was on the Isle of Woe. I think you need the full story.”
“The full story? You mean there’s more than the Oracle using you as mermaid bait and you almost dying to get the information you wanted from her?”
She grinned at me.
“The devil is in the details. And the details would send Oanen into a panic. But I think you’ll see them for what they are.
“Remember that dream I had before I went? With the bloody shoreline?”
I nodded. That dream had terrified me. I was sure Megan wouldn’t come back, which was one of the reasons I’d texted Oanen as soon as she had looked down at the water and pretended like she hadn’t seen the mermaids I’d felt.
“The Oracle plays by the laws of man and Mantirum, which is how my internal scales of justice measure wickedness. By not breaking any laws, she doesn’t provoke my fury. But that doesn’t mean she’s good. I think my dream was hinting at that.
“When I arrived on the shore, I was exhausted. The mermaids had worn me out on purpose, weakening me to the point that I wasn’t paying attention to things like I should have been. When the Oracle approached, she looked human. Beautiful. Talked to me like she was kind. I mean, I knew better than to trust it, but I wasn’t feeling any anger either. She told me to follow her into her cave. It was filled with smoke that messed with my head. That’s how so much time passed.
“But while I was in there, I kept catching glimpses of things that weren’t right. When I figured out what was happening, I put my foot down. Or rather, I put my hands down on her antique table.” Megan chuckled. “I was so pissed she’d tried to manipulate me that I scorched the pretty surface. She freaked out and started talking fast.”
My hunger twisted inside of me as I realized what her point was.
“When you fed from me just now, I didn’t feel angry. I felt a little giggly. Definitely horny for Oanen, which he’ll appreciate when I go home. But no anger. You didn’t manipulate me, Eliana.”
“I barely fed,” I said as I fought for control.
“You’re my best friend, the closest I’ll ever come to having a sister, and I know you would never do anything to hurt me, just like you know I would do anything to help you.
“You were so worried I’d send you to hell because of Ashlyn, and I didn’t. If you’re hungry, feed, Eliana. No one can think rationally on an empty stomach. Trust me to think rationally for you.”
“And if you’re wrong?”
“I’ve played the ‘what if’ game a few times, and all it did was give me a headache. Please stop punishing yourself for mistakes you haven’t made.”
She clasped my hands, her courage and support flowing from her.
