Page 82 of Hell On Earth
“Good,” he said.
I leaned in and kissed him gently. He let me guide the kiss, keeping it sweet as I’d hoped.
“You should have never returned here,” he said when I broke away. “You are no safer here than in Hell.”
“You know why I couldn’t stay,” I said.
Anger flitted over his face, and he tried to look down to hide it. I kept a firm grip on his hair, though, and wouldn’t let him.
“Stop hiding what you’re thinking and feeling from me. Please.”
His expression turned slightly tormented.
“You don’t want to hear what I’m thinking and feeling,” he said.
“Please?” I followed the word with a sad little pout.
He looked at me with complete devotion.
“I can deny you nothing,” he said, sinking lower in the water so it brushed my shoulders and almost covered his lips. “I hate that you did not choose me.”
“I know. But I think I would have started to hate myself if I’d stayed. I’ve been ignored or used my whole life. The attention you give me…the way you look at me…it’s addicting. But I don’t want what’s meant for someone else. Staying and knowing I was just a replacement for Persephone…I think I would have started to resent you as she had. I didn’t want that for either of us.”
I could feel him trembling underneath me.
“I hate that you didn’t choose me…again. The affection you gave was nothing more than a distraction. Each touch you surrendered, you only did so to protect others. You would have never given me anything if not for fear and safety. You would have never come to me simply because the sight of me robbed you of breath and thought or that you wanted nothing else than to feel the whisper of my exhale against your skin. When you had the chance to choose again, you didn’t choose me.”
I looked into his tormented gaze and felt my heart ache.
“Does it matter the steps we took to get to where we are? We’re here. I’m in your arms willingly. It’s where I want to be. And I want nothing else than to feel the whisper of your exhale against my skin.”
He groaned, and I kissed his lips softly.
“This is what a relationship is,” I said. “It’s talking and building trust. It’s not giving up even when things get hard. Even when we’ve made mistakes. It’s being compassionate and understanding and trying again. It’s about forgiving. Will you forgive me?”
He stood abruptly.
“Plead sweetly for my forgiveness, Ashlyn,” he said, gripping my thighs and carrying me to the edge of the pool. “Let me hear those words fall from your precious lips.”
“Wait,” I said when my backside hit the cold tile. “Not like this.”
He paused, his gaze searching mine. “How?”
“The lounge.”
He leaped out of the water and carried me there. I stopped him again when he would have set me on the lounge.
“You, not me,” I said.
Frowning, he released me and slowly eased onto the lounge. The wariness in his gaze as he looked up at me was both thrilling and sad. I knelt beside the lounge, and a cushion immediately appeared under my knees.
“You’re right,” I said softly, taking his hand. “I should beg for forgiveness. I haven’t been sweet. You have.” I kissed the back of his hand. “You’ve protected me and cared for me when I couldn’t do either for myself.”
Holding his hand, I leaned in and kissed his chest.
“You tried so hard to make me happy with food, pretty jewelry, plumbing…” Every word I said was punctuated with another gentle kiss on his skin.
“I was grateful but continued to deny you the one thing you truly wanted.” The kiss trail dipped to his stomach. He shook beneath me and fisted his free hand in my hair. When I tried to place a kiss on his hips, he wouldn’t let me. The sound of his ragged breathing filled the steamy room.
