Page 150 of His White Moonlight
“You can try whatever you want.Hold my hand.Hug me.Kiss me.”
“I’m going to take a rain check on all of the above.My self-preservation has kicked in.”
His slow smile made my insides feel like they were doing back flips, and my pulse skyrocketed.
“Do you want to run, Wrenly?”
He shifted his weight, crouching ever so slightly like he was getting ready to spring.
“No.I won’t run.I’ll keep my word.On all of it, Bennett.Do you know what that means?I’ll do exactly what I said I would do.Are you sure you’re ready to be rejected?”
The smile left his expression.
“I thought you wanted to win me over,” I said, pressing my point.“This isn’t winning me over.This makes me want to disappear from your world forever.”
He jerked like I’d hit him, and the tension left his body.Straightening, his gaze swept over me, assessing and carrying a hint of sadness.
“I’ll go for a run.Wait a few minutes; then come down for lunch.”
I nodded and watched him leave.Once he was gone, I let my knees give out and sat on the floor.As I stared at the vacant doorway, I reconsidered my plan.
Perhaps meeting his conditions wasn’t the best option.I wasn’t sure he would be able to let go once I did what he wanted.I didn’t think he was trying to trick me, but rather that he was overestimating his control.
With a shaking hand, I reached for my phone and sent a text to Grandma.
Me: Why am I living alone with Bennett?Is it so he can spend more time with me or because he’s not safe to be around?
Grandma: Mostly to spend time with you.Did something happen?
Me: Depends.Do you think Bennett would ever rape me?
Grandma: Never.He would try to persuade you so you’re willing.He wouldn’t do anything to cause you to reject him.Do you need me to come over?
Me: No.He went for a run.I should be fine.
Grandma: Can I tell him that he scared you enough to ask about this?
I thought about it for a second before replying that she could, grateful that she’d asked permission before just doing it.
Feeling reassured and steadier, I went downstairs.The sandwich he’d made for me was waiting on a plate across the table from his.Staring at it and thinking about how he’d reacted to me, I continued to debate the wisdom of attempting to meet his criteria.
My time at school had taught me a lot about when to hold my ground, when to advance, and when to retreat.Even though I knew the more often a person retreated, the more they tended to lose, I hesitated to advance.
With Bennett, the rules didn’t seem to be the same.Sometimes the more I retreated, the more I got.But retreating now wouldn’t prove that I was able to take care of myself…that I didn’t need him.And I definitely needed to prove I was self-sufficient, stable, and able to survive on my own.After all my panic attacks and meltdowns, he was already questioning my sanity.
Maybe that was the key.I needed to push Bennett until he questioned his own sanity.Could I walk the line and survive?There was only one way to find out.
Be a menace, Wrenly.Keep them guessing,I silently told myself as I picked up his sandwich.
I licked the top of it, turned it over, and licked the bottom.Licking bread was a textural horror, but I endured.Lifting the bread, I licked the sliced chicken for good measure.Then, I put his sandwich back on his plate and took mine to my room.
While eating and proofreading my paper with my door open, I listened for his return.It didn’t take long.Fifteen minutes later, I heard a thump downstairs.I closed my laptop and sat up to watch the door.
He appeared a few seconds later, looking just as wild as when he’d left.
“Thank you for the sandwich,” I said.
His gaze searched mine as he inhaled deeply.
