Page 249 of His White Moonlight
“No deal, then.I’m not willing to trade my freedom for a fleeting sense of enlightenment.Besides, you’ve already told me that I own you and you do pretty much what I want…except for this, apparently.”
He didn’t get mad about the no and didn’t try to hold onto me as I got off his lap.
“You keep saying you want your freedom, but what if it's not freedom you want?What if it’s control?”he asked as I sat next to him.
His words made me pause and consider the last few weeks.
I’d had freedom to do what I wanted at home…as long as I told them what I was doing.When they said no to something, no matter how justified the reason, that was when I lost my temper.That was when I reacted.Did I really just not like being told what to do?I hadn’t liked Mom arranging the job for me, but I’d accepted it to play nice so they would be more willing to let me go.However, when Bennett had tried to force me to go to work with him by taking the keys, I’d reacted.When he tried forcing me to wear clothes I didn’t like without giving me a reason, I’d reacted.
“I think you’re right.”
“Do you want to hear another thought?”
“Sure.”
He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close to his side.I rested my head against him, waiting.
“I’m willing to let you control whatever you want, and I’m willing to give up whatever control I have to be with you.”
My heart gave a wild thump against my ribcage.
“What do you mean?”
“You already know I’m willing to hand over anything to you.Properties.Bank accounts.Cars.It’s all yours.It’s the other stuff you’re worried about.Now that we know, we can adjust accordingly.
“You don’t want me to control who you talk to or where you go, so I won’t.Will I get jealous?Yes.Will I need reassurance?Yes.But I won’t interfere.You want to go to school without me following you?Okay.We can talk on the phone, and I’ll be able to see where you are during the week.And maybe, when you can, you come home on the weekends to see me.”
I tipped my head back to look at him, a tightness gathering in my chest.
“Are you serious?”
“Yes.”
I searched his gaze and saw no hesitation there, but his mask was in place.
“Will you need to go back to keeping my old clothes?”
“Maybe.But that’s my problem, not yours…unless I take something of yours that you like.”
“What about mating?Are you willing to wait, or are you just saying this to get me to say yes to mating?”
He kissed my forehead.“I’m not stupid.I know what will happen if I claim you and go back on my word.Rejection can happen at any time, not just in the beginning.”
“So what are we saying?”
“I’m saying I’ll be anything you need me to be and do anything you need me to do for even just a small chance to remain in your life.”
His mask slipped, showing me his sincerity and hope.It was a hope I shared, but I was a realist too.Being with Bennett wasn’t just about the two of us.
“Us being together isn’t just about me accepting you,” I said.“We both know I’ve already pretty much done that.Why else would I be kissing you?”A tremor ran through him.“If the pack can’t accept me, we’ll never have a day of peace in our lives.
“You’ve seen the mental scars I have from school.Nightmares.Startling easily.Swinging first, checking to see who it is after.I don’t want to keep living my life constantly being on guard.I want to heal and move on.I want to be happy, Bennett.”
He crushed me in a fierce hug.Thankfully, my arm was out of the way.
“That’s what I want for you, too.If the pack doesn’t accept you, we leave.It’s that simple.I will always choose you over the pack.”
He was saying all the right things, but I still wasn’t convinced that staying with him was the right choice for both of us.
