Page 41 of His White Moonlight
His head turned, just an inch toward the side, proving he’d heard even though he didn’t speak.
“I’m sorry for hitting you, Bennett.Do you…Do you want a hug?”
I felt so stupid for saying it.
Before I could feel truly uncomfortable, I was pinned against Bennett’s chest.
One hand was on the back of my head, with his forearm pressing into my shoulders, pinning me against him, while the other caged my waist.My ear was trapped against his chest.I could hear this thundering pulse over the sound of my harsh breathing.His bicep was crowding my face.
Unable to move, I couldn’t draw enough air.Fear bloomed with my growing panic.
“No, Wrenly,” Bennett said against my hair.“Please.Don’t.Don’t fear me.I won’t hurt you.I promise.”
My fingernails dug into his arms as I gripped them, trying to push him away.He only held me tighter.
“No.Shh.It’s okay.”
It wasn’t okay, though.Nothing was okay.I was trapped.I couldn’t breathe.
A low wail filled the air, and I realized it was coming from me.
I was falling apart.
Again.
Bennett loosened his hold.
Able to move, I lashed out.My fear-filled cry turned into one fueled by rage and desperation.
Get away.
The second he removed his hands to block mine, I bolted.
Hide.
I made it to my room, locked my door, and tipped a bookshelf in front of it all within seconds.Without waiting, I ran into the bathroom, turned the lock, and then slowly backed away until I stood in the shower.The harsh sound of my breathing filled the space, and I tried to quiet it so I could listen.My hands shook as I wiped the hair from my face and stared at the door.
They won’t follow me here.They won’t have the advantage now that I’m awake and free.They…
Catching my spiral, I slowly crouched down and hugged my knees.Then, I took a big breath and filled my lungs until it felt like I couldn’t do more.Rather than exhaling, I added little inhales to force even more in until more wasn’t possible.Bit by bit, I released that breath and started the process again.
While I worked to bring my panic back under control, I silently coached myself.
It’s okay to be afraid, Wren.What they did to you was shit.But you’re not at school anymore.You’re safe.Bennett wasn’t trying to hurt you.He was hugging you.Hugs are good.Hugs are nice.
I wasn’t sure how long it took to calm down my racing pulse, but it was long enough that my legs went numb.After a final, steady breath, I carefully stood and shook some feeling back into them.
My gaze never left the door.
Was Bennett waiting on the other side again?If so, I couldn’t allow a repeat punch.Two episodes of erratic behavior in one day were more than I could afford to show.With my luck, he was probably already on the phone with Mom, telling her that I needed therapy.I probably did, but I didn’t wantMom and Dadto know that, or they wouldn’t ever let me leave, which would only add to my trauma.
After listening at the door, I cautiously opened it.Bennett wasn’t in my room.The bookshelf was still in front of the door, but it’d been moved almost a foot, the same width as my door stood open.
I slowly approached the mess I’d made.The sturdy bookshelf hadn’t broken, thankfully.I picked up a few books and stacked them on my bed.When I had enough room to move, I tried lifting the bookshelf but couldn’t.
How had I tipped it over?
Fear-induced strength.
