Page 26 of Montana Groom of Convenience
She shifted slightly to look at him. He watched her with those expressionless eyes. Could he really feel nothing? Her own emotions and Father’s simmered so close to the surface that they continually spilled over. Sometimes, they erupted explosively. “You believe in God’s eternal love, don’t you?”
He held her gaze, revealing nothing of his opinion.
She waited, wanting to know what he felt. Perhaps hoping to find comfort in hearing him confess, as Mother did, that God’s love was unchangeable, never wavering.
“I don’t know much about love. Not man’s norGod’s. I can’t say if I believe in it as you do.” He lifted one shoulder. “Can’t say I don’t believe, either.”
They had both settled to the floor, carefully studying each other. This man was her husband. She knew so little about him, but it seemed she had a lifetime to learn everything...at least, as much as he was willing to let her know. She shivered a little. Perhaps it would be nothing.
He picked up a fragment of china and handed it to her. “Can it be mended?”
She held the pieces in her palms, studied them a moment. “I doubt it.” She met his gaze. Did she detect a lingering question in his eyes? She studied him. “Are you talking about the shepherdess or something more?”
He nodded. “Are you going to change your mind?”
“About what? The shepherdess? It will never be the same.”
“I don’t mean your ornament.” His blue-green eyes darkened to nighttime sky. “Are you going to change your mind about us?”
“Our marriage?”
“I’m sure we can go to the preacher and tell him we’ve changed our minds. He’ll understand.”
“Have we changed our minds?”
“I haven’t,” he said. “My reasons and my decision still stand. But you might think you’ve made a mistake.” He indicated the broken ornament.
She plucked a baby blanket from the trunk and wrapped the pieces carefully. “I know it’s beyond repair, but I can’t bear to throw it away.” Her chuckle was as much self-mockery as amusement. “Guess I’m my father’s daughter...nothing is ever ready to be discarded.” She put the bundle in the trunk, thenplucked the two little nightgowns off the floor. “Mother put so much love into making these, hoping and praying to have another child to raise.” She rang her fingers along the row of neat stitches at the hem.
“And yet she never lost her belief in God’s goodness.” His softly spoken words settled her heart. Odd that they should do that. She couldn’t explain why they did.
“If anything, her faith grew stronger. She often said adversity forced one’s roots to grow deeper.”
“Sometimes adversity has the power to tear one from their roots.”
She couldn’t say how she knew, but she did—he wanted to know if Jill could be fixed. Perhaps, if he could be fixed. But he would never ask. Never admit it.
She pushed to her feet. He did the same, and they stood three feet apart, each watching the other. “I’m not sure about Jill, but I remember something Mother said. ‘Today is not the end. Tomorrow is full of surprises and possibilities.’”
He held her gaze, searched it, seeking to understand, perhaps looking for hope.
She hadn’t answered his original question. It wasn’t fair to keep him waiting and wondering, perhaps expecting the worse. However, she realized with a hint of humor, did he think her saying she didn’t want to continue with their marriage agreement was the worst? Or did he think the worst would be for her to say she wanted to continue?
“I haven’t changed my mind about our agreement.” She meant to do everything in her power to make it work.
He studied her. Then released a barely audible sigh. And nodded.
She shifted her gaze from his. He might not reveal his feelings, yet his eyes sucked at her very soul. “I’m going to set up the bed for Jill. It’s up to her if she uses it or not.”
“She hasn’t been very cooperative.”
Carly chuckled. “Father would call it a streak of contrariness.”
They both turned toward the door, where they could hear Father’s rumbling voice as he talked to Jill. “He’ll be telling her about his childhood. He and Jill have a lot in common. He was orphaned at a young age. Had no family, so at nine, he was on his own, trying to support himself.” As she talked, they put the bed together. “He found a good family to work for when he was fifteen and began to work for Mother’s uncle. Before that, he encountered some cruel people.”
“Maybe Jill will realize that things could be worse than they are.”
She placed the final side rail and straightened. “When Mother died, I don’t think I could have believed that things could be worse. Now, in hindsight, I understand they could have been. But it takes time to work through pain.”
