Page 73 of Montana Groom of Convenience
“Did I?”
“I didn’t look, but I suppose you squinted, too.”
“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”
She did know but intended to pretend otherwise and might have if his gaze hadn’t been so demanding. “I’m not angry. At least not at you.” Any anger she felt was directed at her. Why was she always wanting impossible things? Always? This one time hardly constituted always and yet the word had a ring of truth to them.
“I see. Tell me, what did you do to deserve a morning of anger?” His words were soft, inviting. Almost making her forget she couldn’t tell him.
“Nothing that would make sense to anyone but me.”
He leaned closer. “Try me.”
“Why can’t you let this go?” If he continued, she would blurt out the truth and ruin everything. If she suggested changing their agreement, would he see it as a reason to abandon his end of it? It wasn’t a chance she was prepared to take.
“Because I miss your company. I might as well be here by myself for all I’ve seen of you this morning.”
“I was never out of sight.”
“You know that isn’t what I mean.”
She looked to her left. Looked into the distance. Looked at the sandwich in her hand.
His gaze stuck to her like a burr.
She gave a long sigh. “Let’s eat.” But when she would have lifted her sandwich to her mouth, his hand stopped her. His touch threatened every bit of control she had over her thoughts.
“Not until you tell me.”
“I can’t even remember what your question was.” Partly true, as she didn’t know if he wanted to know why she was angry or why she’d been avoiding him.
He held her hands loosely. She could have pulled away without effort, but she didn’t even try, even knowing it would make it easier to keep her longings under control.
“Why have you avoided me all morning?” Did she imagine a hint of hurt in his tone?
“Very well. If you must know, I find it difficult to continually deceive my friends.”
“About what?”
She faced him full-on. “About our marriage. It isn’t romantic. It isn’t even real.” She had said too much and waited, unable to breathe, for him to respond.
He removed his hand from hers and stared across the creek. “If I remember correctly, it’s what you wanted.” He fell silent, but she refused to be the one to speak first. After a bit, he rumbled his lips. “Have you changed your mind?”
Yes. But she couldn’t confess it. Better what they had now than nothing, she reminded herself. “Of course not.”
“Then I don’t see a problem. Let others think whatthey will. You aren’t responsible for that.” He bit into his sandwich.
“I suppose not.” She bit her own sandwich, surprised at how dry and tasteless it was. Ethel was a fine cook. She looked at the bread and meat and saw no reason for her disappointment. She admitted it wasn’t the food but the situation that was at fault.
They allowed the animals to rest a bit. It would have been a perfect opportunity to share secrets and hopes. Ethel would have considered it a romantic interlude. But it wasn’t that for Sawyer and Carly. Sawyer lay back, covered his face with his hat, and, for all she knew, had a nap while she stared at the water rippling past. The sound normally would have calmed her, but this time, it utterly failed to do so.
In fact, she couldn’t sit there any longer with Sawyer nearby,oblivious to her state of mind, and she bolted to her feet.
“What’s wrong?” Sawyer asked from beneath his hat.
“I’ll be right back.” Let him think she needed a moment of privacy. She ducked behind some bushes and stopped, pressing her fingers to her forehead.
How was she to live up to her end of their agreement?
