Page 72 of Mail-Order Brides Wishes
“I suppose I was flattered by Rowena’s interest in me. We met at her aunt and uncle’s home where I was workin’. Imagine me— nothin’ but a cowboy— gettin’ the interest of the beautiful city visitor.”
She kept back any comment she might have had. If she’d even been able to think of one. But anger had burned away the ability to think.
He continued. “She liked my attention. Wanted to go ridin’ up the hills. Was kinda wild if ya want the truth.”
He was telling her nothing she didn’t already know. But they’d done more than go riding.
“Bryn, I admit I was kinda wild back then too. I’d spent my whole life with cowboys. Many of them didn’t care for rules. Didn’t care if they sowed their oats. They moved on. I wasn’t like that. But I was wild. Rowena was not only willin’, she wanted it.” His hands hung between his knees. His shoulders sagged. “It was before I met Mrs. Murphy and she told me about God lovin’ me and forgivin’ me.”
Bryn drew in air that did nothing to fill her lungs or ease the burning inside her.
He shuffled his feet, the sound scraping over her senses. “After I told Rowena we needed to get married. She refused. Said—” He lifted one shoulder. “I already told you.”
“Did you love her?” The words burned across her lips.
The chair jolted as he jerked upright. “I—I—” He swallowed audibly. “If I say no, I sound like a scoundrel. If I say yes—”
She waited. But he hung his head and said no more. She’d prayed about how she’d failed in not telling him the truth. Her prayer included trusting God, but this was different. This clawedat her heart, tearing away at the fond memories of shared times with Flint, leaving her hurt and inwardly bleeding.
Once again, she had been found wanting. Not good enough.
She found the strength to get to her feet. “We’ve eaten but I’ll make you breakfast.” The floor seemed too close and then it was too far. But she stayed upright as she crossed to the stove.
“Bryn, I’m sorry.”
“It doesn’t matter. We’re married. You’ve provided us a home and if you are prepared to continue doing so, I will take care of things.” Meals, laundry, housework, garden. If he was willing. Forgetting her offer to make breakfast for him, she went out the door and made her way to the garden.
The plants were doing well. They’d enjoyed peas and carrots and greens. She’d already preserved a couple dozen jars for winter use. She sat in the warm soil at the end of one row and stared at the green leaves.
Flint hadn’t said if he was willing to let them stay.
She didn’t need to count on her fingers to be convinced that Susie was his child. Did that mean he’d look more favorably on her? Or reject her?
Again, came the questions haunting her. Was she good enough? Or would he discard her?
The sun warmed her back. She closed her eyes and tried to still her thoughts. She loved her little garden. She loved her home. She couldn’t imagine a better place to live. But she wanted more. She wanted to be valued for herself. Not second best. Not a substitute.
She wanted to be loved.
She stood up and tilted her chin. She deserved to be loved. There was only one man she wanted it from. Flint.
Could she prove it to him? Love him enough that he would love her back? Or give love without expecting anything in return?
The ground solid beneath her feet, she marched back into the house.
He was gone. His horse was gone.
Had she left it too long?
There he was. By the horses.
“Susie, run and visit Aunt Addie for a bit, will you? You can take Kitty. Maybe she’d like to see Daisy.” The cats played together like old friends.
“I go.” Susie gathered Kitty in her arms and headed down the trail.
Bryn waited until Addie came to the door and waved. Thank goodness Addie would understand and keep Susie until Bryn had her say.
Determination in every step, she crossed to where Flint stood, his arms on the top rail of the fence, his forehead on his arms.
