Page 233 of The Throne Seeker
Xavier.
He was with a woman she didn’t know—a pretty girl with auburn hair who was glued to him like they had been stuck for a while, evident in her tousled hair and ragged breaths. Something ate at Rose from within, feeling like a piranha had been set loose in her stomach.
As soon as Xavier saw her, he wrenched himself from the woman.
Still stupidly gawking at the pair, Rose said, “Oh—um. Sorry, excuse me.” They were the only words she could manage before she fled.
She rounded the corner sharply, practically running in the other direction. The image of Xavier kissing that woman was still seared into her brain like a hot flame.
She’d only made it down a single corridor when quick footsteps came from behind.
She whipped around, about to pull out the knife strapped to her thigh?—
Xavier shoved her arm down, stopping her. “Rose.” His bloodshot eyes looked concerned.Concerned. “What are you doing out here alone?”
Her nose stung with the stench of alcohol. “Have you been drinking?” she questioned in irritation.
“Not nearly enough,” he murmured. A thick scowl crossed his brow until he noticed her distress. “You shouldn’t be out here alone. What’s happened?”
“Nothing.” She tried to bypass him, but he stuck out his arm, grabbing her.
“Don’t do that.” His sharp eyes looked directly into hers. “Don’t bottle up your feelings like you always do. You’ve gone through hell these past couple of days, and you have every right to feel how you feel.”
She despised how he knew her so well. Through his touch, she could feel his compassion multiply, his worry and hisrelentless desire to bring her closer. To touch her. To kiss her, to do more than kiss?—
The simple fact made her siren want to touch him, too.
Rose smothered her uncontrolled thoughts again, guilty for even thinking it as she freed herself from his grip. “I can’t open up to you.”
“Why the hell not?”
“Because I can’t lie to you!” She pushed him away. “And I don’t want anyone to see me like this.”
“Like what? A human being with feelings?”
“That’s just it. I’mnothuman! I’m not like you, any of you. I’m a monster—a manipulative, selfish monster who does nothing but hurt people around her—people I claim to love, but if I really loved any of you, I’d leave. Perhaps your mother was right, Beth, Satin, all of them. I should just leave. I should leave and never come back. Let you continue with—that girl.” She jabbed down the hall.
Xavier grabbed her by the shoulders, forcing her to face him. “You know damn well that every fiber of my being wishes it was you. Aren’t you glad I’m kissing her instead of coming to find you?”
Rose sucked in a sharp breath at the sudden confession.
“Get leaving out of your head right fucking now,” Xavier said. “It won’t help—I know. Don’t listen to them. Any of them. They don’t know you.”
He didn’t understand. It wasn’tthemshe was upset with.
She was upset with herself.
“I hate hurting all of you,” she said weakly. “You forget I can feel everything. I can feel how much you want me. I can feel how much I hurt Tristan. I can feel how much I disappoint Roman when I so much as look at either of you. I have no idea how I’m supposed to shut those feelings off. And more importantly, how not to let them affect my own.”
Xavier’s jaw clenched, his eyes softening. “That must be difficult.”
She folded her arms, grimacing. “Don’t try to be understanding. It only makes me feel worse.”
“What would you rather me do? Hate you?”
“Yes!” she exclaimed. “Be angry at me, hate me. All of you.”
“I’m not going to make it that easy for you. And I doubt my brothers will either.”
