Page 234 of The Throne Seeker
Her siren grew prideful of the fact. And she loathed it—loathedthat sick, slimy thing inside her.
“I love Roman,” she said flat out. “Doesn’t that make you want to hate me? How am I supposed to live with the fact I’ve ruined your life and now Tristan’s? What if Roman’s next? What if I mess it up or let him down just like I have with both of you?”
“You’re taking too much credit, just like always. You think this is all your fault, but it’s mine.” His voice broke as his jaw trembled, letting a shred of humanity show through. “It’s my fault I didn’t stay, it’s my fault you had to go through this, it’s my fault that my parents are dead. It’s all my fault.” His eyes drifted upward to the heavens. “I’m sorry… Gods, I’m so sorry.”
The apology wasn’t for her.
He lowered his head, attempting to hide his icy eyes melting into a puddle.
Her heart broke for him, for what he’d lost. She reached for his hand, taking it in hers, trying to absorb his sorrow.
His hand almost clenched back around hers, but he pulled it back as though it’d burned him. “Stop,” he said, his eyes harboring self-loathing. “That may be a simple gesture to you, but your innocent touch sparks a blazing fire in me, rising so high I’m convinced the heavens can feel its warmth.” His face flinched like he was in pain. “Damn it, Rose! Can’t you see how hard it is for me to be this close to you and not devour everymorsel of you? How hard it’s been to hear how much I’ve put you through?”
A pain stabbed her heart. “I didn’t mean to make you feel guilty?—”
“But I do!” Xavier exclaimed, throwing his hands up. “All I feel is guilt when I look at you. Fuck, justlookat you. As if you weren’t enough temptation before. You’re a walking magnet, and I’ve tried to fight the pull, but I can’t. I fucking can’t. And I feel so guilty about it, Rose. Because even though you told me you’re in love with my brother, this whole time, all I’ve been able to think about is how I can get you back to my room and ravage you like I’ve done so many times in my dreams. I feel guilty because I’llneverbe sorry for kissing you when I did.” He cupped her face with his hands, forcing her to face him as he lowered his voice to a husky whisper. “Because now I don’t have to imagine what your lips feel like. Now, when I’m alone at night, I’ll be able to replay that kiss over and over again, all the while gripping the sheets as I cry out your name.”
She blinked furiously, swallowing hard, trying to tame her siren’s celebratory pride.
She reached up to take his wrists, lowering them from her face. “Xavier I… I can’t go there.”
His jaw feathered. “I know. That’s why I can’t have you touch me like that. I know I’d get to the point I wouldn’t care who you love. I’d be selfish and take you anyway… Gods, I’d take you so many times.”
Her heart slammed so hard against her ribcage, she was sure it would be bruised.
“Quit looking at me like that,” he said harshly.
Rose quickly averted her eyes to blink back the tears blurring them.
“Gods, don’t stop looking at me,” he whispered weakly.
His voice was so tender, she looked up.
Her siren clawed vigorously, desperate to break to the surface. To reach out and comfort him again. To allow him to take her back to his room and?—
She shut it down.
“I’m going back to my room,” she said, more to herself than to Xavier. “Don’t follow me. Go back to the girl. She’s probably still waiting for you… I know I did,” she couldn’t help but add.
A roar of pain came from him. “Rose.” He tried to close the space between them, but she swiveled too quickly.
She dashed back to her room, nearly breaking her heels. She ripped them off in the middle of the hallway, setting off in a sprint before tears escaped. Or maybe just to escape herself.
She wanted nothing more than to leave this place and never come back. She had made up her mind.
She was leaving.
Tonight.
CHAPTER 83
Rose barged into her room, quickly shutting and locking the door. She tossed her shoes onto the floor, changed out of her bloodstained dress and chucked it into the fire, slipping into a new one. Her tears spilled over.
Her siren yearned to take control, to transform her into someone stronger, someone who wasn’t so weak.
She went to the mirror. She wanted proof that even a trace of the girl she’d once been was still hidden within her. But she couldn’t find her.
There really was another death to mourn.
