Page 11 of Judge
There is no way I’m going down there and having to look in the faces of Kaia and the twins until I sort my shit out. There’s no other option.
“Yo! Get your big ass up!” I jerk, eyes flying open as I try to figure out where the fuck I am and what time it is. “Get. Your. Ass. Up!” is growled again and I use my abs to help me sit bolt upright until I’m staring at Pops and Mad Dog. Shit.
“Look kid, I get you got the shock of a fucking lifetime, but we kinda need your services.” I frown at Pops who looks irritated back.
“Son, you’ve been up here for over 24 hours. What the fuck have you been doing?” Mad Dog asks, in a slightly gentler tone.
“He was having a pity party, that’s what he was doing. I don’t know why. Maybe because he could have had his family with him this whole time, a woman that fucking loves him and two beautiful kids and instead he traded that all for a blow job.” Pops shakes his head, not even bothering to look in my direction.
“That true?” Mad Dog asks, staring right at me, arms crossed over his barrel chest.
“Yeah, in a nutshell.” I’m embarrassed as fuck.
“That’s a dick move, kid. I’m not sure she’ll ever give you the time of day, but she’s a sensible woman seeing as she’s moved her family here.”
“And she’s been cooking up a storm feeding the brothers,” Pops adds, eyeing me. “Your kids have been looking for you. It seems that they want to get to know you, and imagine their hurt when they find out you’d rather skip dinner than sit with them.”
“Fuck!” I feel sick with rage and disappointment at myself. Jesus. What the hell is wrong with me? “Why do I keep fucking up?” I ask myself.
“Cos you’re an idiot. And I hate to break it to ya, but you ain’t got time to dwell on that. We’ve got the sheriff that’s been messing with us and it’s show time at the Office. Meet ya there. Unless you want to let us down, too,” Pops snarks before leaving the room.
“He can be really bitchy, when he wants to be,” Mad Dog says, watching Pops retreating back.
“He has a soft spot for the women,” I answer, getting up and shoving my phone in my pocket.
“We all do, son. So, what’s your plan?” Mad Dog asks, following me down the stairs and out the door.
We walk in silence for a moment. I try not to look into Kaia’s trailer on my way past, but it’s hard not to. It’s getting dark out and the lights from inside her place illuminate her and the kidsas they sit at the dinette together, laughing over something. It’s the perfect vignette for the family. The only thing missing is me.
Mad Dog’s massive hand comes down on my shoulder, giving it a rough shake. “You’ll get them back. If that’s what you want.”
“I don’t think she’d ever have me back. But just being able to spend time with them is more than I deserve.”
“Then, we have to make it so.” Mad Dog shrugs, walking on in front of me. “Don’t waste time. Son, you’ve already wasted enough.”
Kaia
Well, I don’t know what I was expecting after the kids told me that Judge never opened any of the emails I sent, but it sure as hell wasn’t radio silence. I would have thought we could have spoken about it. Perhaps apologize to each other, I mean, I know I owe him one. If I had known that he never got the messages, then perhaps I wouldn’t have banned him from my diner. I was convinced all this time that he was a deadbeat dad and maybe I was wrong. Or maybe I was right because since the big reveal that he’s a father to a set of twins, and that he never got my messages, he’s been hiding. He didn’t turn up to dinner last night and not to breakfast or lunch today either. I would know, I’ve been helping Mama Debs in the kitchen.
I know we’re only here until the cartel stuff has been sorted, but it’s not as bad as I thought it would be. It’s peaceful, safe for the kids to roam around, and spending time with Debs is healing my inner child. Baking with her is like baking with my Mom. I was only little when she died, and my dad never remarried. I’dhelp him with dinner and baking for the school bake sales, but it’s not quite the same as doing it with a mother figure.
“Are you sure you don’t need us to come?” Annie-Bella breaks me out of my thoughts.
Smiling at her concerned face, I move to drop a kiss to the top of her curly head. “No baby, it’s a ladies night, remember? Besides, I trust you and Jax to make good food and movie choices. I won’t be gone long.”
“We’ll be fine,” Jax’s eyes roll. “We’re pretty much grown and I don’t ever remember you going on a girls night. So go and enjoy it, Mom.”
I drop a kiss on his sweaty, smelly teenage boy head before waving and pulling the door closed behind me.
When I confronted Lovely this morning about what I heard last night - the screams of someone in extreme pain -I thought she would gaslight me and tell me that I didn’t see or hear a thing. I know that I’ve been thinking of these women as friends, but to find out I’d been left out of whatever they were doing to those bad men from the diner pissed me off a little. I’ve become used to being left out of things, and I never had a lot of friends, but for some reason, that really hurt. Not just because I wasn’t invited, but because I really wanted to hurt somebody too. There is no way I want someone out there to be threatening my babies and I don’t get to bring them pain over it.
Instead of waving off my concerns, Lovely told me exactly what happened and why I wasn’t invited. As the newbie it was deemed best for me to sit that one out. I guess I could see the thinking behind it. I’m new here and they don’t really know me. But instead of leaving it at that, Lovely decided to throw together a girls night and now here I am, walking to Lovely’s cabin, with strawberries and chocolate brownies in hand.
“Kaia! Wait up!” Spinning I catch Blanche power walking my way, with her little girl strapped to her chest.
I slow to a stop and wait for her at the bottom of the steps.
“Heard you were sad you missed out on the show? Don’t worry, there will be others.” She wags her brows at me, and for some reason, the promise of future violence makes me feel a little better.
