Page 101 of Silver Linings
“Honey? What’s wrong?” There’s concern in Mom’s voice after my outburst.
“I…I lost my phone, and—” I glance at the clock on the wall, noting that with the flight and the time zone change, Silver would have already opened the store, and I wasn’t there with her. My heart sinks into my stomach, and I feel sick, knowing I’ve let her down on the day it mattered most for me to show up,to show her she’smorethan worthy of the love she thinks she’s incapable of.
I sink down into the chair next to Laurel’s bed and drop my head into my hands.
“I should be there.” Renewed nausea churns in my gut.
My mom crouches down to face me at eye level. “Where?”
“Silver’s store opening. I should be there, and I’m not. She’s…everything, and she needs me today. I’m not there, and she doesn’t know why. I can’t tell her why.”
Understanding dawns on their faces as they realize exactly who Silver must be to me.
“I left my phone in the car but I can go get it,” Mom offers, but I’m already shaking my head.
“I don’t know her number by heart yet, and the store’s phones aren’t working either. There’s no way to tell her what happened.”
Silence permeates the room, no one knowing what to say at my obvious distress. “Will you tell us about her?” Mom asks, clearly wanting intel on the woman who flipped my world upside down.
It draws the tiniest of smiles out of me. I start by telling them about how she spilled her coffee on me that first day we met, how the scent now reminds me of her. I tell them how it shocked the hell out of me to discover that she was a tenant of the building I worked at and how I had to fix up her apartment and loved every day more and more. How the thought of not seeing her daily made me feel panicky, and I offered to help her repair her store just to stay close to her. I tell them about how each day, I felt myself slowly come back to life, one smile, one question, one repaired floorboard at a time. I told them about our first date and the ones after, about how she is kind, compassionate, whip smart, and funny as hell. About how hard she’s worked to build the community she always craved, despiteher fears, and how that bravery made me feel fearless too. I told them how I had never felt more myself around anyone before, how I was able to open up to her like I had been doing it my whole life. Every day felt like the greatest adventure with Silver, one I prayed to any god that would listen would still be the case after today.
And when I ran out of things to say, because our story was still new and unfurling, I looked up to find both my mom and my sister with tears streaming down their faces.
“I didn’t realize,” my mom says, choking back tears, “how much you were deteriorating here, how much you blamed yourself for something that wasn’t your fault. I didn’t realize until just now, listening to you talk about her. Your whole face just came to life before our eyes. I can’t remember the last time I saw that look on your face. Long before we lost your brother, at least.”
I placed my hand on my mom’s arm. “It’s okay, Mom. We were all lost in our own grief.”
She’s shaking her head in refusal, but it’s true.
We all died a little the day we lost Maddox. That part of us was gone forever; we would never be the same, but we could find new versions of ourselves, find the adventure he craved and live it for him, for us. It’s what he would want. What he begged of me that day, right before we lost him…it took me a while to figure it out, but I did. I like to think he’s rolling his eyes at me from the beyond for having my head shoved up my ass for this long.
“So what are you still doing here then?” Laurel asks, wiping tears from her face.
“What do you mean?”
“You have to go back to New York, to tell her what happened. Like right now.” She motions with her hands to shoo me out the door.
“Laurel, I can’t leave. Look at you.”
“I know. It’s hard to believe I can look this good after a car accident.” She makes a show of inspecting her nails, the picture of elegance in a hospital gown.
Dad snorts from the door in a rare display of humanity; I almost forgot he was here.
“Be serious. I can’t leave you like this.”
“You can and you will,” Mom chimes in. “You love this girl.” A fact, not a question. I nod my head in an affirmation she didn’t need. “Then it’s settled. You need to get back to New York now, explain to her what happened, make a grand gesture. Whatever it takes. Don’t let my daughter-in-law go without a fight.”
“Mom, it’s only been a few months,” I say to deflect against what I’m really feeling as butterflies take flight in my stomach, thinking about Silver being mine forever.
“A mother always knows.” She winks.
“Seriously, Hen, my doctor said she would probably discharge me by tomorrow morning anyway. I’m okay. You did right by me by showing up. Go do right by your girl.”
Moisture builds along my lashes as I stand from my chair and bend down to kiss my sister on her head. “I love you.”
“Yuck. Love has made you mushy and soft.” She pushes me away and towards Mom, who I wrap in a tight hug.
“I’ll callyounext time, I promise. I’m sorry.” I deepen my squeeze.
