Page 15 of Silver Linings
I pause, taking a sip of my beer. “It was fine.”
“That feels loaded”
He sees too much, knows me too well.
“Seriously, it was fine. I got there early this morning, and there was already an issue in this woman’s apartment. Collapsed ceiling from water damage. It’s gonna take me a while to fix it.” I lean forward to take a bite of my fish, staring at the game, trying to give him nothing.
“She’s hot, isn’t she?”
“What?Why would you say that?” How could he possibly know that? What is he, a fucking psychic?
“Because you wouldn’t look at me when you started talking about her, and you kept the details very…clinical. You always do that when you’re hiding something.” He’s so smug as he takes a sip of his beer. “So, how hot is she?”
I groan and throw my head back on the couch.
He whistles. “That bad, huh?”
“She is unreal and off limits.” I go into detail, telling him about how I met her the day of my final interview and how surprised I was to see her this morning. When I finish, he sets down his plate and beer and turns to face me fully.
He grabs my face in both hands. “Fuck the rules, Hen.” He lets go, reaching forward to palm his beer.
On the screen, grown men pummel each other into baseboards, and it feels weirdly indicative of how the inside of my brain feels.
“I can’t risk this job. You know I can’t go back home.”
“I’d float you for however long you need.”
It’s an offhand comment, one born out of a desire to see me happy again, but my feeble pride would never allow that. It was bad enough that I let him handle my share of rent until I was able to get a job. To entertain it again… No, I couldn’t and wouldn’t do that to him. This is my burden to bear, they were always my burdens to bear.
He truly is the best person I know, a brother by all accounts except birth, and one of the only people I’ve leaned on these past couple years, even in the limited way I was able to. When everything felt bleak, Jae never gave up on me and checked in on me constantly, as if distance and a time difference didn’t matter. But something always prohibited me from being entirely forthcoming, an attempt to keep the knowledge of how bleak it felt—feels—from him.
He asked eventually, of course, why I abruptly showed up at his door out of the blue, but he never pressed for answers when I didn’t give them.
“I know you would, but it won’t come to that, because I’m going to remain professional.”
“I’m going to be blunt with you.”
“When have you been anythingbutblunt with me—or anyone, for that matter? You have no internal filter.”
“Stop deflecting, dick. The last couple years have been shit for you. If she would help bring you some happiness, I think it’s worth the risk. You deserve to be happy. Maddox wouldwantyou to be happy.”
I’m white knuckling my fork, and the bite of salmon I just ate turns to ash on my tongue.
Fuck, my chest hurts. Everything hurts when I think about my baby brother. But just like I have for the past thirty-one years, I bury the feeling, unwilling to show weakness.
“I’m okay with how things are. I’m back in New York and around my friends. That’s all I need right now.” He starts to object, but I continue. “I won’t risk my job now that I have one. It’s enough.”
I think he can sense I’m starting to shut down, so he doesn’t press it further.
“What’s her name?”
I arch a brow at him skeptically. “Why?”
“Call it curiosity.”
“I just know her first name is Silver.”
I think he’s finally dropped the subject, because we go back to the game. A few minutes later, I can see him fiddling on his phone right before a wide, Cheshire Cat smile spreads across his face, crinkling his dark eyes.
