Page 28 of Silver Linings
“Can I come too?” I slowly blink as I look up at the shy grin stretched across his face.
I think of Hendrix again. Which is ridiculous, because we’re barely friends—acquaintances at most—so there’s no feasible reason for me to turn this guy away.
“Of course you can.” I smile back.
He’s turning to leave but stops. “Can I be honest with you?”
Apprehension fills my chest. “Sure thing, person I met five minutes ago. Tell me what’s pressing on your mind.”
He huffs out a laugh. “I didn’t need to come in.”
“Is it not your sister’s birthday?” I ask, confused. “Does she not exist? Did you eat her in the womb?”
A smile crinkles the corners of his blue eyes. “No it is, but I wasn’t going to get her a book.” He sheepishly scratches the back of his neck. “I know this is kind of forward of me, but I saw you through the shop window, and you’re really beautiful. I’d like to take you out sometime.” He extends his business card out to me.
I take the card from him and see his name is John and he works in finance. Finance bros are notorious fuck boys, and honestly, that’s been my bread and butter in the past. They never want or expect anything from me beyond a physical connection. It’s easy and uncomplicated. But it feels different this time. I don’t feel that flirtatious pull towards him that I expected to despite the fact that he’s inhumanly attractive.
“Finance bro, huh?”
“We’re not all bad, I swear.”
I laugh and wave his card in the air. “I’ll think about it.”
He nods in understanding and thanks me again for helping him find a gift for his sister before heading out.
I look over to where Carmen helps a couple, and she’s looking at me like I’ve sprouted a tail. I definitely don’t turn down dates with cute guys,ever.
Yeah, I don’t know what’s wrong with me either.
It’s late in the day, and I’ve sent Carmen home so she can finish studying for an exam she has later this week. Now that I’m alone, I can take off the mask I’ve been wearing all day—the one I put on so no one knows how anxious I am, how scared. I feel unsettled, but I have to act like everything is perfect, I chose this. It’s just more overwhelming than I thought it would be. I jumped into this head first without any thought, and I know it was reckless but I don’t regret it. It feels right. This place has always felt like home to me, and it’sminenow—mine to ruin if I’m not careful.
I’m standing in the middle of the store, surveying like a captain at the helm of their ship when my phone starts ringing. I jog over to grab it, assuming it’s Kena, since he’s the only one who calls me. I don’t even check the caller I.D. before I answer.
“Thank you for calling McDick’s, would you like a foot-long with a side of fries?”
“Silver?”
My blood turns to ice in my veins as pinpricks shoot across my skin like wildfire before my skin goes numb altogether.
Why isshecalling me?
I haven’t spoken to Carol James inyears. She made her choice long ago to not be in my life when she said it was toohard to look at me and not seehim,to not see my dad.Years of waiting—of hoping she would come back, passed before I realized it wasn’t going to happen. I lost my dad, and then I lost my mom too—except she’s still alive and just chose to not want me anymore.
She resurfaces every now and then, usually to fulfill some kind ofI checked in on my kid so I’m not a bad personquota. But it’s been longer since the last time, and I stopped expecting her to try years ago. I stopped caring—or at least trying not to care.
I’ve let the line go silent long enough that she calls out for me again.
“Silver, honey, are you there?”
“I’m here.” My voice sounds lifeless, even to me. A byproduct of the effect my mom leaves me with. She blows back into my life when it’s convenient for her, and I’m left feeling cold and numb. The worst part is, she never seems to notice or care.
“Oh good. I’m glad I caught you.” She says it like she calls me all the time and not once every few years. “Look, I’m going to be in town soon and I want to see you.”
Not a chance in hell.
“Oh, I don’t know. I’ve been really busy lately, and getting time off has been a struggle.” Not technically a lie. I have been super busy between the apartment getting fixed and buying this place.
“Oh, come on. I haven’t seen you in years, Silly,”Silly. My dad gave me that nickname when I was a baby. He said it was because I was his silly girl because I was always happy and giggling. He always knew how to make me feel special. Hearing it coming out of her mouth sounds like nails scraping down a chalkboard, shrill and wrong.
