Page 32 of Silver Linings
The barkeep stops over with a fresh beer for me, and I thank her and turn to face the room. As much as I don’t want to, my eyes keep drifting back towards Silver, like her mere presence in the room demands my attention. The strobe lights are arching across the room and dancing over her skin in a kaleidoscope of endless possibilities, drawing my eyes to her on a never-ending loop.
I try not to make it obvious as I watch them. John has his hand rested on her thigh, and it makes me want to break something, but at least she’s not touching him back. She’s smiling and laughing, but there’s something about her body language that feels…off, like something is bothering her. I know what her real smiles look like, have been an undeserving receiver of them. She always burns brightly, but right now, that fire feelsdimmed. Is it him? Or something else? Am I just imagining it because I don’t want her to be into him?
As if she can sense my eyes on her, she looks up, catching my gaze. Neither of us backs down. We stare at each other for what feels like an eternity. It’s bliss—it’s agony. Everyone and everything else fading away, and we’re the only ones left in the room. Then I see it, just there, behind the eyes: a sense of something that isn’t right, something she’s tryingreallyhard to cover up with smiles and laughter. I want to ask her about it, dive into her head and extract all the bad out so she doesn’t have to remember it, so nothing will mar her happiness and dull her shine. But that’s not my place. I break our eye contact first and turn back around to face the hundreds of bottles lining against the wall.
I should leave. Irish goodbye my way out of here.
I’m about to ask to pay my tab when someone sits down next to me. I think it’s going to be Jae, but it turns out to be Kena.
He drags his chair closer to me and takes a seat. “June, my love!” He calls out to the bartender, who comes gliding over at his call.
“Baby, you are four sheets to the wind. Don’t tell me you’re about to order another drink,” June says in a thick Southern accent.
Mock affronted, Kena grasps at his chest and then reaches out his other hand to grasp mine. “Junie, I am perfectly sober enough to have a shot with my new brother wife here.” He pats my chest as I choke down the sip of beer I had just taken.
“Alright, fine. But I’m getting Julien if you get too wild. You remember what happened last time.”
“That was one tiny,minuscule,some might say, fire. I put it out and replaced the drapes. You can’t hold it against me forever,” he harrumphs at her pouting.
“I can and I will. Now, what do you want?”
“Two Slippery Nipples.” He flashes me a bright wide smile as I cough into my fist.
June leaves to go to make our shots.
“Brother wife?” I ask, curious as to what exactly he means.
“Mhmmm,” he hums, not bothering to elaborate. I see him glance back to Silver, and I follow his gaze. She’s bumping shoulders with Julien, singing along to the song the person on stage is wailing while her date is on his phone. Ridiculous that he could focus on anythingbuther.
Kena notices me and where my gaze has wandered.
“She likes you, you know.”
“She can’t.”
“But she does, and she doesn’teverlike men.” I look at John, and he catches me clocking the movement. “Don’t get me wrong, she has…friends, but only ever for a night. She doesn’t let it go farther than that.”
The thought of John being one of thosefriendsmakes me grind my teeth and white-knuckle my beer bottle.
I deflect and nod towards her and John, trying not to let a vague tint of bitterness color my tone. “They seem to be getting along.”
“Oh, please. I don’t know why he’s here, but IknowSilver. He’s only here because she doesn’t think you’re interested.”
I whip my head to him. “She said that?”
He grins, knowing he’s caught me in some quasi admission. “She didn’t have to. You, however, have come up in casual conversation multiple times now, and I don’t think she even realized she mentioned you.”
“That doesn’t mean anything, and it doesn’t matter because I can’t go there. So if she does feel something, she’ll have to get over it.”
He shakes his head. “You’re both so stubborn, unwilling to admit to any sort of feeling.”
“There are no feelings.” My molars grind against each other. There can’t be any feelings, and someone like her deserves better than me.
He studies the side of my face. “Right. Of course, I must have misread every time I saw you staring at her tonight.”
I remain quiet. Resolute.
June comes barreling back over. “Sorry! Got a little swamped at the end there, but here you go.” She sets two tall shot glasses down in front of us filled with a tan, creamy liquid. “Two Slippery Nipples to wet your whistle.” She walks away to help other customers before I can thank her.
