Page 48 of Silver Linings
And it’s been a long time since I’ve feltanything.
Silver is the human embodiment of sunshine. No matter who you are, she makes it a point to make you feel welcome and at home. That’s what walking into her store felt like, even before we started making changes, and I realize now it’s becauseshewas there. Nothing else. Just her presence brightening up any room she’s in.
She reminds me of Maddox.
The thought jolts me back to reality with the force of a lightning strike, and my shame renews as I pick up my pace, weighing the pros and cons.
Cons: losing my job is a very real threat, and that can’t happen for multiple reasons. This city is expensive, and I won’t rely on my friends to bail me out of a hard situation if things go south. Then, there’s the fact that I don’twantto move back to Seattle. Call it cowardice, but I don’t want to face my family after the way I left. I can’t bear the look in Mom’s eyes or the vitriol my dad would spew my way. And then there’s the niggling feeling of betraying Maddox that won’t go away.
Pros: Silver’s eyes lighting up every time she makes a crude joke. Her laugh ringing out over a crowd of noise, making me feel grounded. The soft moans she makes when I kiss under her ear. The way she looks out for the people around her. How utterly brilliant and brave she is despite her fear. How I crave apricots every day. The razor sharp wit she flings out like grenades, making me laugh for the first time in years. The way her nose scrunched up in distaste when I told her I don’t like donuts. How she’s burrowed so deeply under my skin, I can feel her energy thrumming through my veins, her unfiltered thoughts flowing freely and uninhibited out of her petal-soft mouth.
Silver. Silver. Silver.
I slow from a run into a slight jog when I come up to the coffee shop I stopped at the other day. I check the watch on my wrist, it’s half past seven in the morning, and I’ve been running for an hour and a half without realizing.
It’s not something I do for fun, more of a habit I picked up to clear my head after Maddox died and things between me and my father strained past a boiling point. The first run came after one particularly aggressive blow out. Dad blamed me for a client’s unhappiness with their finished build, and he made sure I knew it was my fault. The words he flung at me that day still singe across my memory like acid.“It’s all your fault!Everythingis your fault and now I have to pay double the cost of materials.”The intent in the wordeverythingwas not subtle, I knew exactly what he meant, and it had nothing to do with cabinets. After that, I couldn’t contain my tumultuous feelings or my anger over everything, so I took it out on my body in punishing workouts. It’s a pattern that has stuck since and morphed over time into something more routine.
I push my way into the coffee shop, the blast of air conditioning immediately cooling my flushed skin, and get in line to order.
It’s pretty packed in here for being so early—people on their morning commutes grabbing the coffee that will get them through the day, laptops being set up for work that will be done from the table they’ve staked a claim to. The sound of beans grinding and steamers hissing creates a cacophony of music that makes up New York City.
Breaking through it all from the front of the line is a boisterous laugh that feels like warmth. I look to where the sound came from, knowing who will be there, and spot a familiar head of sleek platinum hair tossed up in an impossibly cute messy bun.
Silver James has her head tossed back, laughing at whatever the barista just said, and I feel a pit of jealousy in my stomach that I’m not the one who put it there.
I’m greedy. I want all her smiles now. I want to feel them on my skin—taste them on my tongue.
I stand in line and wait as she steps to the side with the group of people waiting for their drinks. She hasn’t noticed me yet, and I cross my arms against my chest, watching her as she talks to a woman she just met, who’s rocking a stroller back and forth. When the baby starts to get fussy, she hikes up her lavender sweatpants to crouch down to eye level with the child and starts singing a little song while clapping her hands to create a beat. The child instantly calms, and the mother looks at her from above with wonder. Apparently, she has this effect on everyone, not just me.
I move to the front of the queue and place my order around the same time the woman with the stroller leaves. Silver still hasn’t noticed me when I slip up behind her in the group waiting for orders.
I lean into her, getting a whiff of her subtle apricot scent. “I’m starting to think maybe you should be a popstar instead of a business woman with how much you like to sing in public.”
Her body stiffens in surprise before slowly turning towards me. There’s a subtle tinge of pink high on her cheekbones and wisps of blonde hair framing her face.
I have the urge to tuck an errant strand behind her ear.
“The world is my stage.” She tilts her head back, and there’s a challenge in her eyes.
I meet her stare. “I’d buy a ticket.”
She’s blushing harder than she was a minute ago. I like that color on her face—I like that something I said invoked it.
“You couldn’t afford me.”
“No, you’d be priceless, but I’d still be there, front row.”
She’s struck speechless. I’m no stranger to flirting, but it’s been a long time since I felt the urge. Dating always came naturally to me. I had a couple of girlfriends post college, but nothing ever feltright. I was always too focused on work or family, and any relationship fizzled off before it could really go anywhere. Then, my brother passed, and it started to feel like enjoying any part of life was an insult to his memory. After that, dating never really crossed my mind.
Until now. Untilher.
We’re staring at each other, seafoam green eyes to my hazel, silent and waiting for the other to say something.
“Silver!”
We both turn to see the barista who made Silver laugh earlier set down her drink. She moves to grab it from the counter and turns to face me again. Barely a second later, my name is also being called out, and I lean forward into her space to grab mine. My chest brushes her arm, and she inhales quietly.
I go out on a limb. “Do you want to sit with me?”
