Page 92 of The Bright Side of Brooding
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Summer
All the tied-up places in me seemed to have loosened. Stress I hadn’t realized I’d been carrying for weeks and weeks melted away. And joy—so much joy swarmed me, I hardly knew what to do with it.
Five days after what could inarguably be identified as the best night of my life to date, I exited the interview with the hiring committee feeling good. Feeling like I’d done everything I could, been honest and open and frankly a bit vulnerable. I’d explained the failure of my first project—the problem with running a drive by myself, and how I’d gotten off track. Then the success of the second effort and how rewarding it was for not only me, but the volunteers and community. More than that, I delineated my perspective on the clinic, on patient care, and a host of other questions they lobbed at me.
I wanted this job. I wanted the raise and the increased responsibility, and I wanted the challenge of something new. And I’d just admit it—a sliver of me still wanted that just so I could mentally thumb my nose at my family. They wouldn’t know, and if they did, they likely wouldn’t care, but in the same way my silly car gave me satisfaction, advancing in a job that helped people, that meant somethingto me,was a small victory. If I was allowed to fall back into old thinking patterns and learn new lessons, I’d decided I was also allowed to take a little selfish pleasure in still proving them wrong.
That said, I’d settled into accepting that it might not happen. And if the last few weeks had taught me anything, it was that I needed to open myself to possibilities beyond my narrow focus. Nick had busted into my life completely unexpectedly, and I couldn’t imagine anything better than being with him. My friends had elbowed their way into my heart, and I couldn’t have been more thankful.
If the job didn’t work out, I’d find something different. Or, maybe I’d just stay in the same job and enjoy that role. It didn’t have to be so dire that it drove me to lose sight of what mattered, of my feelings and relationships and the possibility for happiness outside of what I’d marked out for myself.
Nick hadn’t solved all my problems. In fact, he’d solved none of them. But he’d given me a gift—a chance to see my fears, confront them, and begin working on them…withhim. We talked long into the night and had talked every day since. To be fair, often I did most of the talking. He still wasn’t going to become an avid socialite or even verbose in conversation, but he spoke honestly, and he listened better than anyone I’d ever met.
On top of all that, the harassment from Kent Dennin had officially ended. Apparently, he’d been harassing at least two other women, one of whom he grabbed in the commissary in full view of a whole crowd. He’d been given a no-contact order for her, but paired with the episode at my house and another woman’s account of his harassment, the guy was getting officially chaptered out of the Army. While I’d hoped I wouldn’t have to deal with him again, the specter of that had been an insidious little stressor. Knowing the case was closed, and that he’d been removed from his duties at the clinic so I wouldn’t ever see him again, had brought those concerns to rest. That relief and the hopeful feeling I had for moving forward had made the last little while shaded with a giddy kind of joy.
I reached my house, energy and excitement buzzing in me. Nick and I had a date planned for tonight. At some point, we’d go out somewhere, but I suspected he was as exhausted as I was. After nearly a month apart, aside from quick conversations and our one longer talk Sunday, we hadn’t seen each other. We needed time, space, and no rushing.
I changed out of my interview clothes, thankful it’d come at the end of the day so I didn’t have to change back to scrubs while at work. My hair was down and straight, makeup on point, and the ice-blue silk dress I wore looked good.Reallygood. I wanted Nick speechless, and not from his introverted tendency to observe, think, and then speak.
I felt incapable of words whenever I saw him after any amount of time. I wondered when that’d wear off—of course it would, if we stayed together. And for once in my life, I hoped, prayed, and planned for us to.
I’d bought fresh strawberries for our dessert. Nick claimed he had everything else ready from the list I’d sent him. Tonight, we’d cook together, eat together, clean up together. And hopefully, a few other fun things together. After slipping on a light jacket, I practically skipped down the sidewalk to his house.
His door swung open before I reached it to knock.
“How’d it go?” he asked, taking every bit of me in like my hair or legs or heels might give him the answer.
My huge smile gave me away as I shucked my jacket and the bag containing the strawberries and jumped at him. He caught me around the hips, then stood so my head was higher than his. Looking down into his handsome face, I said, “Very well.” Then I kissed him for all I was worth.
After a moment, I broke free, and his beaming smile made my stomach flip. “It wasn’t perfect, and I’m honestly not sure if I’ll get the job. I think I’m competitive, and from what Major Hall could tell me, which was basically nothing, I am in the top three. But I don’t know.”
He set me down in a graceful move so full of raw strength, I had to press my lips closed to keep from making an audible, unladylike sound. There were advantages to dating someone who lifted heavy things for his job.
“When do you…” He swallowed, blinked. “Uh…”
I didn’t try to hide the pleasure that blazed through me at the way his eyes slipped down my body, then slowwwly back up. When he met my gaze, he tried again. “I mean, when…”
I chuckled, then pulled him to me by the placket of his shirt and kissed him again. Just one quick, firm press to his perfect lips. “When do I what, Nick?”
His eyes narrowed, and his lips twitched. “When do you find out about the job?”
Ah, darn. He recovered so quickly. Still, points for the lost train of thought. Many thanks to this silky, sexy dress and my general feeling of badassery wearing it. I felt good already, but I would never deny that his blatant appreciation made me feel downright fabulous.
“Next week sometime.”
Butter had descended from his throne on the back of the couch and swirled around my legs. I bent to pet him a few times. When I straightened, Nick held out a hand, then raised mine to his mouth and kissed the back. “What happens if you don’t get the job?”
I saw the question there—the thing we hadn’t talked about. “I’ll be upset. Definitely disappointed, and not gonna lie, I’ll probably cry at some point. I’ve had my eyes on this position for just under a year now, ever since I heard Cindy was thinking about retirement. But I’ve also realized there’s more to life than making more money and being obsessed with having that tangible sense of security. I didn’t realize I’d gotten so focused on that, and I don’t need to be. Plus, I do genuinely like my current job.”
“Will you move?”
I set my hands on either side of his waist and gazed up into his eyes. “It’s early days for us, so I don’t know what answer you’re looking for here. But I can tell you I want to stay in Germany, very much. That said, I know you have plans to move back to the US, and I don’t like the idea of putting an expiration date on us.”
“I can train anywhere.”
We watched each other as the words sank in.
