Page 78 of Almost Perfect
My hand smoothed over his stomach, but suddenly, he caught me at my wrist. Startled, I looked up to find his heated gaze searing into me.
“I can’t think when you do that.” Then he pressed a kiss to the back of my hand and guided it to rest at his side.
I didn’t loose the smile I wanted to. We’d just made out like high school students on prom night—if the movies were to be believed, since I’d missed all of that coming-of-age classic stuff.
“I believe that you want that. But it doesn’t change that we want different things, does it?” He squeezed me on either side of my waist—sadlyovermy cardigan.
Though probably for the best, because his calloused hands on the smooth skin of my back and belly had been nothing short of glorious, and it’d be far too distracting now.
“Help me understand what that means? What do you want?”There. Let’s spell it out and be crystal-clear here.
His broad chest expanded with a large inhale before he said, “You know this already. I want a family. Wife, kids, maybe another dog. I want to build a life with someone.”
My throat tightened and my mind screamed so loud, I closed my eyes—the thought came before I could stop it.I want that too!
I’d never imagined being in a place to feel that way, let alone be with someone who I thought might actually be the kind of person I wanted. He was particular and could be judgmental, but he was loyal and generous and kind. He was so capable and warm. He was a softie with his horse and put perfect little garnishes on everything he made, even canned tomato soup.
And leading man hot without the baggage of a Hollywood heartthrob.
I shifted off his lap and curled up at his side. Pinning him down didn’t feel right, and no part of me wanted him to feel stuck in this conversation.
“I do want those things, Wyatt. I know I’ve made it sound like I don’t, but I haven’t ever—” My voice caught, and I cleared my throat to stay the course. “I’ve never been with someone who made me think past the moment. My life has never been in a place where I felt like I could. I’ve been on this hamster wheel, and after fifteen years, I’ve just stepped off.”
I laced my fingers with his. “I’m not going to pretend I’ve always wanted what you do. That just isn’t true. But the last month has convinced me that there’s more to life than the way I was living. It’s why I’m trying to figure out how to stay. And it’s why I want to try with you.”
He might not realize what an insanely huge thing this was, me saying these words to him. Me allowing myself to feel that I could even express the desire. And the weeks leading up to this, I’d pushed away the feeling, the reality that I wanted him, like it was my job. But in this moment, despite the fear of admitting that I wanted him, a little hope mingled in. I could want him without it being over immediately, couldn’t I? I already had, truth be told, and here we were. In this sweet, soft embrace. If I got just a little before it all imploded, I’d take it.
His hand squeezed mine, and he pulled me into a hug with his other one. We stayed curled into each other for several minutes, his warm, clean scent surrounding me. When he leaned back, he smiled cautiously.
“Let’s try, then.”
Bright light burst through me like a sunrise cresting the mountains. “Okay, let’s.”
His smile was slow to grow wider, but when it did, it made my heart feel too big for my chest. A balloon inflating larger by the second, so large it’d end up carrying me away.
He was beautiful and thoughtful, and if I was understanding him, all mine. The fire of our earlier kisses had banked low during our conversation, and though we’d just decided to try out a relationship, I felt oddly shy. In truth, I had no idea what that meant.
Wyatt must’ve felt the same, because he leaned in for a chaste kiss, then backed away. “How about we get to bed? Warrick said he’s planning to be up here early as long as they’ve plowed the canyon.”
“Sure. Yeah. Sounds good.”
We went our separate ways to ready for bed, which felt so unnatural. But the intimacy of brushing teeth side by side didn’t seem right either. There was so much we hadn’t shared, and as much as I was eager to experience any number of things with him, I also didn’t really know how to proceed. I hadn’t even casually dated someone in close to a decade, and even then, it’d never been like this.
It’d never felt so full and combustible while also being calming and somehow pure. The mix had me unsure, and the last thing I wanted was to pressure him. But I also didn’t want to seem like I didn’t need to be near him, because that felt more and more like a requirement.
I knocked on his door after washing my face and brushing teeth. He’d left it cracked open, not closed completely, which I took to mean he wasn’t sleeping just yet.
My stomach dipped when he stepped into the open space and leaned against the doorframe.
“Just wanted to say good night.” My voice came out gritty and low. I’d been talking a lot today, plus the cold… my vocal cords were shot.
“Glad you did. Come here.”
He held open his arms, and I stepped into them, hooking my arms under his and holding on over his shoulders, bodies pressed close.
For some insane reason, heartache tinged the hug. Almost like this was goodbye, though of course it wasn’t. But the prospect of spending all night without him, or all day tomorrow for that matter, seemed utterly awful.
“Hope you sleep well,” he said, gruff and soft in my ear, and squeezed me lightly with both arms.
