Page 17 of Almost Home
Laughter jumped out of me, Dahlia, and Sadie at the same time, and Calla covered her mouth to hide the same without showing us her food.
“Okay but seriously, you’re working at Wilder’s business? And you’re looking like you’ve not only survived but downright thrived. Tell us what’s going on,” Quinn demanded, typically impatient to know the details.
I finished the sip of my water, fleetingly wishing it were a margarita to fortify me and, frankly, make the words flow a little freer. We hadn’t had an actual girls’ night in months—not since Quinn had been agonizing over Julian and I’d had… ugh. I didn’t want to think about that high schooler writing inappropriate notes to me.Ick.
But I didn’t need a margarita to help me feel comfortable with these women. They’d proven their lack of judgement. They’d showed me, time and again, they wouldn’t leave me because I did something they didn’t like. I hadn’t imagined this kind of friendship before arriving here. I’d never had this—maybe not even with Eddie. As sisters, we were close, but we’d had to stay close via phone instead of in-person interactions since she’d left home for college.
“It was super awkward initially, but it has gotten better. And yesterday, I actually had a chance to apologize.”
Calla’s eyes widened as she chewed, and Sadie’s mouth opened, then shut.
Quinn spoke for all of them. “Likeapologizeapologize?”
I nodded. “Yes. I went for the whole thing. I told him how sorry I was about how I’d handled things back then and how I wished it’d been different, but even if not, that I was sorry for not tracking him down and saying as much a long time ago.”
“What’d he say?” Calla asked.
“He said ‘Thank you, but there was no need.’ And I believed him—both that he appreciated it and that he didn’t think I needed to apologize. And after that, we shifted gears, and it was almost like we were just… coworkers.”
Except for how hard it’d been to stay focused with him right there being all hot and professional and talking about me meeting Madeline Freaking Reynolds, though I couldn’t tell them that part, anyway.
And maybe… maybe one small part of me that knew it wasn’t enough—that a few minutes saying I was sorry didn’t make up for the destruction my choices had caused after we’d both been in so much pain. Maybe that was why I didn’t now feel finished here. Or maybe the idea that I’d ever feel like my life here in Silverton was wrapped up in a neat little bow was just foolish.
But he hadn’t wanted to talk about it anymore. Wilder was a man now, and I might not have known him like I used to, but I could still tell when he wanted to close the discussion on a topic. He’d stayed stock-still, not shifting uncomfortably like he might’ve years ago, but something in the way his jaw flexed or he kept himself from blinking gave him away.
So I’d said my piece and we’d moved on. Simple. Easy.
“Why do you look kind of sad?” Sadie asked.
Of course she’d seen it.
“It was weird. I mean, such a load off, and I feel good about it. But at the same time, it feels like something between us is gone. Like in some sick way, all that regret and pain had tied me to him, and now that I’ve apologized, that tether has been cut.”
I hadn’t given words to the feeling until just now, and the ache in my chest confirmed it. That was part of it. I couldn’t have said exactly what I expected, but it was definitely… more. The confusion of feeling so much relief today, of working to accept the conversation as the one I’d been waiting for, and yet feeling a letdown…
Quinn set her hand on my arm and squeezed lightly. “That’s complex.”
Calla chuckled. “Ya think?”
“Do you have feelings for him still? No judgment if you do, truly. I just wonder if that’s part of it? Seeing him again after so long, and getting this big boulder of emotion out from between you and now…”
My heart kicked and I scrambled for an answer. “I—I honestly don’t know. Am I still affected by him? Yes.Verymuch.”
Did I ever stop feeling like the lights came on when he entered a room? No. Did I imagine my life and future with anyone else, even in the darkest moments of my despair? Even in the moments I should’ve had my mind on someone else?
No.
Right on cue, my cheeks blazed.
Calla made a sound. “Aw, honey. That’s tricky.”
I tucked my lips between my teeth and made an awkward smile. I couldn’t figure out what to say.
Sadie’s kind smile met my gaze and she spoke. “He’s an interesting person. At Jane’s house last week for family dinner, he was clearly…” Her brow furrowed as she searched for words.
“A jerk?” Quinn put in.
“No. Not at all. It’s just, he was uncomfortable. He was trying so hard to be engaged and talk. I mean, I’m not particularly chatty, but that man isn’t a talker. But he made such an effort.”
