Page 14 of Made for You
“Okay. But in the future, we need to talk about this stuff ahead of time.”
“Got it. Night, Boo. Pic incoming.”
She ended the call, and sure enough, less than a minute later pinged a photo of Kiley and Tara with heads bent together, sweatshirts instead of evening dresses on, faces scrubbed of the makeup they’d worn only a few hours ago. Kiley’s peace sign had me rolling my eyes. I set the phone down and stared at the image.
She looked happy. Tired, maybe, and so much like our mom it hurt a little at times, but she was safe. I gave the photo a little thumbs-up and then shoved off the counter and straight out the side door.
The cool night air hit me, and I sucked in until my lungs couldn’t hold any more. As I slowly released the breath, I paced to one side of the back patio, then the other. After another moment, I stopped and cupped the back of my head in my hands as I looked up at the stars.
The Big Dipper sparkled proudly overhead, and my eyes found the three stars making up Orion’s Belt. The entire sky was scattered with pinprick stars, the mountains behind me deep purple shadows like slumbering beasts waiting for day.
In North Carolina, I’d sought the ocean for perspective, sometimes driving the two hours to the coast and back in a morning, just to get a glimpse. Just to be reminded of how much else there was beyond me and this moment—whatever small thing that had stunted me. Here in Silverton, miles from the ocean, I’d found the mountains and stars had the same effect. As someone who took care of people—my family, my business, my friends, etc.—I could easily get it all out of perspective.
“Everything okay?”
Nikki’s smooth voice startled me, and I straightened, dropping my hands, eyes finding her lit by the glow of the moon. She still wore that stunning dress, but she’d shed the heels for slippers.
“What are you doing out here?” I asked, pure curiosity overriding much of the angst overtaking me moments ago.
She tucked her crossed arms close to her body. “I’m a night owl and I haven’t really looked at the stars since I got to town. It was always one of my favorite things.”
“They make a good show of it,” I said, eyes flashing over the long line from her chin to the vee in her dress as she gazed up.
“That they do.” She offered a small smile. “And you?”
I could say the same—something to pass off reality and put the blame on the glittering stars. It wouldn’t be entirely wrong. But in this moment, maybe because of the vast sky and that exact feeling of smallness I’d thought I needed, it felt imperative to tell her the truth.
“I was out here trying to breathe. Trying to convince myself I’m not failing Kiley with every decision I make.” My eyes slid to her in time to see her lips part and her body move closer.
“You know, I have no idea what it’s like to take care of someone else, but based on the little I’ve seen, it seems like you’re doing a decent job.”
Something about the word choice surprised me, and a laugh tripped out. “Decent, huh? You’re not going to tell me I’m an amazing guardian and Kiley could never ask for anyone better?”
I’d heard it. I appreciated when people said it, though I could never fully believe it.
Nikki’s brow furrowed. “Why would I tell you that if we both know I’m not qualified to make that assessment?”
It was the oddest thing, but her honest, straight-forward response smacked against my thick skull and jarred my brain. When was the last time someone was simply honest with me?
Of course she couldn’t say I was doing a good job—she had no idea. She’d seen how amazing Kiley was after staying with her the other night, but that was just Ki. And the fact that Nikki wouldn’t point to the base fact that I’d become Kiley’s guardian as proof I was doing right by her made me borderline wild. It made this aching tightness loosen in a way it hadn’t ever. Likefinally,someone wasn’t trying to console me. My friends loved me and wanted the best for me, but I often worried that blinded them to the very real possibility that I was screwing this up.
The darkness still surrounded us, but her words were like dawn overtaking the moment, brightening the sky and widening the world into a broad, dazzling daylight.
It made me want to thank her for her honesty. And with more intensity than I’d ever felt, it made me want to slip my hand into her hair and kiss her.
In this instant, in the wake of my wildly up-and-down week, the idea of being close to this woman who wasn’t afraid to tell me the truth settled over me like an answer.
This was a question I shouldn’t be asking—I’d promised myself I wouldn’t. And yet here she was, breaking past any defenses I had with her fearless honesty and that wrinkle in her brow hinting at curiosity and compassion.
I hadn’t thought about what I wanted in a partner in years, but there it was. The honesty. The absolute lack of hypocrisy or even propriety and sticking to the politically correct. A rawness that spoke of potential and truth. The answer I’d been searching for but hadn’t put my finger on, knowing I’d feel it in my gut when—if—it ever happened.
Thiskind of person.
Here she was.
CHAPTERSEVEN
Nikki
