Page 38 of Made for You
Shutting the freezer, I looked over at her. “I’m sorry you don’t feel good.”
Her lips thinned, then pulled down in a frown. “You know what would make me feel better?”
“Donuts?”
Her smile flashed. “Maybe. But also, for you to go out with Nikki.”
I shifted on my feet. “How is that related to anything?”
She gave me a glare I recognized all too well. “Because I don’t want you to put your life on hold because of me. I appreciate what you’re doing here—giving me a home and a life. I know it’s a sacrifice. It’s a really good thing you’ve done. But I don’t want you to suffer for it.”
About ten things happened inside me at once, but the overriding need was to make one thing very clear. I paced to her and took her by the shoulders.
“Ki, I need you to understand one thing before this conversation goes any further. I am not suffering. You living with me is not a sacrifice, it is ajoy.There is not one ounce of me that regrets becoming your guardian. The only thing I regret is not doing it sooner.”
Her chin wobbled, but this kid had been through a lot and rarely let me see her break down, even now. She pressed her lips into a line to recover, then nodded. “Okay.”
The response came too quickly, but I accepted it for now. “I don’t want you to think I’m giving anything up. I’m only gaining—time with you, getting to watch you grow up… it’s good.”
Her lashes fluttered, and I could see her debating with herself over something.
“Just say whatever you need to say. You can tell me anything.” I hoped she knew that—believed it. I hoped she felt safe to say whatever she needed to, even if it was that she hated me for taking her away from her life in North Carolina or that she missed our crappy mom or that she wanted to hang out with her trash pile of a dad. I wouldn’tlikeany of those things, but she could say them. She had a right to any feelings.
I let my hands drop and watched her swallow hard.
“I heard what you said to Wilder and the guys. Last week.”
The words pierced my gut, a deep ache hitting immediately. “What did you hear?”
She huffed. “That you put your life on hold. That you need to take care of me and not do anything else. But I call BS on that, okay? I’m not that hard to handle, and you can date someone and still keep me from imploding or whatever it is you’re worried about.”
Ah, great.This was bad in about ten different directions, but that was life with another human. “I don’t think you’re going to implode. I think you need stability and someone who’s tuned into you. I work a lot already, and I don’t want something else to take my attention from you, okay? I want you to know you’re loved and supported, and you have someone who has your back, always.”
She rolled her eyes and appealed to the ceiling. “I know that. Obviously.”
The words sounded right, but that defensive posture, the edge in her voice, told me we hadn’t resolved this. “I love that you want me to have a life, but Idohave a life.”
And yes, maybe I’d decided to put part of that on hold, though I honestly couldn’t say whether this decision was still in place after tonight.
“Yeah. You work, you come home, you grocery shop, you make me dinner and take me to dentist appointments. It’s the stuff of dreams, huh?” Her hazel eyes skewered me.
A chuckle tumbled out, her dry delivery so perfect, I had to appreciate it. “I can see how it doesn’t seem like all that much to aspire to, but it’s a good life.”
She sighed, a long-suffering sound that might’ve earned her an Oscar if she had played it across from Jack McKean on film. “Okay, it’s good. Let’s say I accept that. I then raise you the suggestion that next door is a woman I happen to know you have a thing for, and based on that dopey look on your face when you walked in earlier, you’re not even trying to deny it. So why not take her out? I have my own life and I have, like, a million things going on. You can go on a few dates and not neglect me.”
I sobered at this—at how she’d so clearly seen my interest in Nikki. “I didn’t realize I was that obvious.”
“No? Well, then I’m gonna have to call into question all your special unicorn training or whatever you did in the Army because you arenotstealth.”
I cracked up at that. “Yeah? Maybe they should take away my retirement or something?”
She shrugged a shoulder, then grabbed a spoon from the utensil drawer. “Definitely disavow you or whatever. It’s an embarrassment, frankly.”
Good grief, this kid. “Well, thanks for your kind words.”
She pulled open the freezer, grabbed a pint of her favorite ice cream, and nudged it shut with a hip.
“Anytime, Boo, anytime.” She raised her spoon in salute but paused when she reached the stairs. “And seriously, ask Nikki out. Think of it as a favor to me. Anytime you go out with her, I can stay out with Marcus or have a friend over, right?” She turned and winked.
