Page 8 of Made for You
She was mine, and I’d missed out on loving her for years. It might’ve seemed like an unnatural thought for a twenty-seven-year-old kid to think, but I’d never felt like I’d belonged in my family. My own mother had encouraged me to leave—to get away from the abusive sperm donor known as my father. He’d never touched her and that was the only reason she’d wanted me to leave—to protect me. It’d been noble, and maybe it’d even been right. Then, I’d stayed away, only calling every once in a while so as to avoid stoking the ire of my father, only to find out he’d walked out on her not long after I’d left and she’d had a child with another man. Kiley’s dad.
The story between then and now was a long, winding one, but I’d learned one thing very quickly. I needed a small group of trusted people in my life, and after leaving the built-in family of my unit in the military, I needed it even more now. I’d only been out for a little over a year and the crew at Saint Security was like a family. Occasionally, the odd element of being boss made that dynamic stretch in new ways, and we were still building rapport as we grew.
But book club? For some reason, I’d kind of fallen for everyone in book club. Maybe because they were all book nerds like me, or maybe because the usual host, Jane Saint, was my best friend’s mother and a woman I greatly admired. Each of the people involved brought something to the table, an interesting history, and incredible capacity for warmth and love. I suspected this was something engendered in readers, yet they were all exceptional humans at their core, full stop.
“Sounds nice. I’ll look forward to meeting Kiley,” Nikki said.
“You two enjoy your lunch,” I said, trying my best not to creep her out by looking too closely at her eyes or lips or the curve of her jaw anddefinitelynot lower.No.
“You, too, honey. We’ll see you later tonight.”
Rosie patted my shoulder and pulled her great-niece along with her. I stayed standing as they passed, then sat with a heavy sigh.
I needed to focus on work today and then getting to book club where I could ask Jane and Quinn for tips on how to get Kiley to talk a little more. I needed to get through this film fest and the long hours coming this weekend and then get back into the routine.
And I didnotneed to worry about the next time I’d see Nikki Hastings.
* * *
Jane Saint hugged me tightly, hard enough to push a bit of the breath from my lungs, then pulled back. “You’re doing a good job, Bruce. Don’t doubt yourself so much.”
I huffed, not sure what to say. Moving into the world of being my sister’s guardian over the last two years had meant my new part-time job was doubting myself. “Thanks, Jane.”
“I say keep doubting yourself, but keep it in check.” Quinn Darling, whose daughter was nearly eighteen, always had contrary and yet super helpful advice.
Jane rolled her eyes. “You’re going to give the man a complex.”
“More than the hero complex he already has? I don’t think there’s room for that.” Quinn winked at me, then her sly little smirk settled into something more somber. “But seriously, part of this is the situation, yes. Part of it is what happens when the mutant genes of puberty overtake a child. There’s only so much you can do, and stressing yourself out about it isn’t going to change things.”
I swallowed hard, recognizing the truth of it. In any other walk of life, I managed stress well. Black ops missions—hunting terrorists, retrieving kidnapped Americans, rescuing hostages… I’d done it all with relative calm. But that life was behind me. Saint Security had primarily static jobs, and most all of us were glad for the breather the change offered as we built the clientele.
“You’re doing a great job,” Dahlia Wallace said, her gentle words reassuring despite the doubts in my head.
She was a good friend and a sensitive soul who’d recently found her happy. I couldn’t have been more delighted for her, or for myself, that her husband had embraced me as a friend, too. John was as good a human as they came.
Yet, it still felt off. Not that I didn’t believe their words—something still didn’t click. Like all this was stuff they were supposed to say. I ran a hand over my face. This whole situation was weighing on me like an overstuffed rucksack I couldn’t off-load.
Everyone sat around Jane and Darcy Saint’s living room, the matriarch of the Saint family and the local bookstore owner making an adorable hosting duo. I’d only known Jane for a while before she and Darcy had gotten hitched, but I hoped someone looked at me like Jane did him someday.
Thoughts like that are why you’re feeling guilty.
Probably true. And I didn’t need all this attention on me—they’d done a very thorough job of reassuring me. “When did this turn into console Bruce about his potential brothering failures? Let’s get back to choosing the next book.”
Everyone laughed, then launched back into conversation, and I sank into the moment. Embraced this moment now. It wasn’t something I excelled at, especially lately, and I wouldn’t get another one like this for a month.
An hour later, I wandered home to find the kitchen light on. Kiley tended to hang out downstairs when Rosie came over, but otherwise, she spent the vast majority of her time in her room, and increasingly more since she’d started dating the little twit from high school.
Fine. He wasn’t a twit. Maybe I was grumpy. Maybe I needed to find a therapist here. I hadn’t been able to shake this dread and anxiety lately, and that wasn’t me. Not usually, anyway.
When I walked in from the garage, I halted in place. Kiley, Rosie, and Nikki sat at our little table, heads all ducked over something Kiley was writing.
“Perfect. Exactly. And then, you do the same thing next time,” Nikki said, a beaming smile on her face.
If she’d tip her face up just a bit, I could see it full-out. I hadn’t seen her smile like that yet, and the hint of it, the tease, sent an instant, cuttingwantdown my spine.
Ki’s head slowly turned, and she looked more excited than I’d seen in a long time. “I think I actuallyfinallyget this. Thank you.” She flung her arms around Nikki, who returned the gesture with a startled expression before she caught my eye and flushed.
“Don’t mind me. Just crashing the stats party, I guess.” I waved awkwardly like this wasn’t my own home.
