Page 36 of Fighting For You
I’d never wanted anyone or anything the way I’d wanted her, and I couldn’t tell if this restlessness to haul her into my arms was new and real or just a bizarre form of nostalgia.
Damn, but it would be so much better if it were nostalgia.
I should wake her and help her get to bed. Or I could carry her there, though now that she was on the mend, I didn’t want her to wake and feel I’d crossed a line.
Or I could stay right here for as long as she needs me to.
So I did.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Jess
The TV was dark when I woke from a nap of undetermined length and slowly stretched my arms overhead. Bones’ purr activated when I moved, part greeting and part rebuke, and I leaned down to kiss his head and further terrorize him.
When I sat up, I realized just what I’d been doing—I’d been sleeping on Beast. OnJude.I’d had my head resting fully against him, and he’d stayed there.
Now he sat with his elbows on his knees and his glass dangling between two fingers.
Tenderness laced with embarrassment looped around my chest. I’d beenonhim, and he hadn’t said a word. I hadn’t worn a watch, nor had I checked the time before I passed out against him, so who knew how long he’d endured me invading his space.
I stood, wishing my sleepy mind would find theright words, but decided to take a moment. I used the bathroom, splashed water on my face, and emerged to find him still sitting there in the dim glow of the dying fireplace and only the stove light in the kitchen.
His face tipped up as I approached, and his brows rose as I took the glass and set it down, then stepped between his legs. My heart beat fast and I was possibly out of my mind, but instead of second-guessing, I steadied myself on one of his immovable shoulders. The other hand came to his cheek, my short-trimmed nails gliding over his beard before settling against it.
“Thank you.”
He shook his head, forever unwilling to acknowledge he might deserve thanks, but then leaned his head, pressed against my hand like he wanted to feel it more distinctly. I could swear his giant cat had done the same thing the day I’d met him. These two were just… precious. And what a wild feeling to experience, wasn’t it?
I should’ve stepped away then. I should never have encroached on his personal bubble like this, or touched his face in such an intimate way, but it felt like I had the right to after he’d literally bathed me and seen me at what was very close to my worst these last few days. This dreamlike moment with gauzy, dim light and quiet between us made the barriers disintegrate, and the undeniable shift in me take hold.
The hang of his head and the shadows under his eyes were things I hadn’t noticed before my time here, but I hadn’t been looking.
And if I had? Would I have been glad he looked restless and sleepless? Would I have been happy he seemed to be lost?
No.
The truth echoed like a word shouted into a ravine. A place in me emptied out of the vitriol and hatred I’d let loose, now reverberating back at me.No.If I’d known why he was grieving, I wouldn’t have been glad. And I would’ve laid off him.
But God forgive me, if I hadn’t known… I might’ve reveled in it. I might’ve had the nasty satisfaction that came when your enemy was knocked down a peg.
This man?
Was he really my enemy?
The silence had crowded in around us, night blanketing the world and maybe because of this, I let myself ask him, “Why?”
The intensity baked into the fabric of his character didn’t waver, nor did his eyes on mine. I willed him to respond—to understand what I was asking and tell me the answer I’d wanted for years.
Nothing came. He only stared into me, seeing past whatever I’d set in front of him down to my broken little heart, and then he shook his head. My chest might’ve been caving in, a sink hole right in the middle, eating away at more and more of me the longer he stayed quiet.
His large, warm hand covered mine where it still cupped his bearded cheek, and he pressed it more firmly against him before he pulled it away and gently guided it back to my side.
“We should be able to drive out tomorrow. I’ll get you home.”
Why this crushed me, I couldn’t have explained for all the world. Maybe because I’d genuinely thought he’d tell me something new. I’d hoped, at least for a fleeting few seconds, he would give mesomethingbeyond the stonewall he’d shoved in my face for years.
I swallowed hard and nodded, then stepped away. “Right.”
