Page 37 of Fighting For You
Before I reached the hallway, his low voice said, “You won’t want to hear it.”
I glanced at him over my shoulder, those coal-dark eyes burning back at me. Under another moon, maybe I would’ve stood my ground and pushed back on this nonsense, but I couldn’t right now.
The fortitude to go toe-to-toe with Beast eluded me, and though his words were softly spoken, they had the Beast edge to them. This wasn’t Jude anymore.
Jude was the man who’d taken care of me so faithfully the last few days despite how I’d barged in on his mountain sanctuary. Jude had made homemade bread and stew and watched my favorite show with me. Jude had let me touch his face.
But Beast had answered just now, harkening back to the forever rift between us that kept us from getting past anything and clinging to the hurt—or at least it did me. He had something to say, and I’d known it from Day One, but he’d refused to tell me what it was. He’d hidden it away, and I didn’t understand why, especially now after so long, he wouldn’t just be honest.
I slipped into bed after rushing through cleaning up in the bathroom and marveling once again at the fact he’d had a spare toothbrush and little travel toothpaste. My face would probably never forgive me for neglecting it these last few days. I needed to tell Jo she should put that in one of her books—the heroine gets stuck somewhere and instead of it being super cute and cuddly, she doesn’t brush her teeth, her face breaks out because the hero doesn’t have her normal skincare products, she can’t see because her contacts have dried into shriveledlittle husks, and she ends up looking like a foul-smelling ghoul who can barely see a foot in front of her by the end of her little stranded in a cabin adventure.How romantic.
But somehow, Beast had provided everything I could need, even if they weren’t the same products I used. I tried not to think about how his deodorant smelled so good and I knew it smelled amazing on him rather vividly after the close contact of the last few days.
All that goodness was fading too rapidly in my mind as his words played again.You won’t want to hear it.
What did it mean? And what kind of excuse was that?
Since when had this man considered what I wanted? If he had…
I shook that off. I was years beyond wishing for a different outcome with Kurt. I’d begged and pleaded with God and the Universe and whoever would listen to make my fiancé bold and come back to me—not to give up and hide away and become my ex.
But in the years since I’d accepted that if he’d left like that then, there was likely no magic in a marriage license that would’ve prevented him from leaving at some point later. I’d come to terms with the truth I’d wanted to be engaged so much. He’d done it for me, but not because he’d wanted it. And wasn’t I glad I hadn’t gone through a wedding and maybe even having a kid with him only to have him leave like my own father had?
I curled in on myself, the pain wrapping around me a visceral reminder of why I didn’t let myself think about any of this. Kurt wasn’t a part of my life anymore and I much preferred to avoid thinking about him, but how could I do that when his former best friend was constantly in my face? And even when he was standing across the conferenceroom, a man of his size always seemed to be shoving his existence into my awareness.
Exhaling through the tears tracking down my face, I made a promise. I wouldn’t be fooled by this bizarre blip in our relationship. I wouldn’t let my guard down with him again, whether I woke up delirious from a high fever or actually escaped his mountain man cabin.
I’d go back to hating Jude “Beast” Rawlins, because the alternative was far too painful.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Jude
Some people play their feelings close to the vest.
Someone could spend an hour with Tristan and never know how he actually felt about something unless he decided to reveal it. In a very different way, the same could be said for Bruce. You’d think he was casual and charming and then all of a sudden you’d face a reckoning you never saw coming.
Jess Korbel? The woman radiated her emotions.
She broadcasted them on the world wide web and to the far corners of the Earth. So when she stormed into the kitchen at zero-seven, I had no doubt my choice of words last night had come back to haunt me.
Thoroughly.
If I wanted to poke the beast, I’d probably say something like, “Morning, sunshine.” But as a beast myself, I knew better.
“I’m ready.”
I grabbed my keys. I would come back to the cabin after taking her home rather than try to prep everything I usually did before leaving. Plus, I needed some more food since I’d run through things a little faster than usual once she’d gotten her appetite back.
Bones sat in his triangle kitty pose and watched us for a moment. Jess moved toward the door, then turned back and said, “It was nice to meet you, Bones. You’re a good guy,” then flung the door open and marched out into the snow.
Bones and I shared a look before he stood and sauntered toward the living room, and I followed Jess out.
“You lead the way. I’ll follow, and if you need a tow, I’ve got what we need.” I hoped the roads wouldn’t be so bad, but there were a few miles up this way that wouldn’t have been plowed by the county. If we could make it out of there, we’d be fine.
Since I’d shoveled the driveway yesterday when the snow slowed, it wouldn’t be as treacherous either. I’d sprinkled sand down to help traction, too.
She didn’t speak, only paused for a moment before getting into her car and turning it on.
