Page 38 of Fighting For You
It was mercy and punishment we were in separate cars. I could feel her fuming as we descended the mountain slowly but surely. Whatever numbing agent that’d spread over me in the last few months as Omi had declined, then passed, had been washed away and I felt everything. Even her frustration through layers of metal and paint, as fictional as it sounded. Every moment between us the last few days had burned a hole through skin and sinew.
The roads were remarkably clear and only lightly wet when we reached the canyon, thankfully. We absolutely could’ve made the drive yesterday.
But I’m glad we didn’t.
I’d spent too much time thinking about her hand on my cheek. Her warm palm against the bristles of my beard, and the intensity in her eyes could’ve made me crawl for her… I’d been so close to telling her exactly why.Why.
But what I’d said was right. She wouldn’t want to hear the real reason. And yet, was this better? Was her storming around furious with me,hatingme once again, worth it? Was there any difference between never telling her why and being the villain and finally admitting everything and her hating me anyway?
My pride.
My heart.
By the time I pulled up behind her at her little bungalow in one of the cheery Silverton neighborhoods within walking distance from downtown, I’d decided. I’d tell her everything, and she could deal with it however she wanted.
If it meant she only had more fuel to hate me, then so be it.
She slammed the car door. “You really didn’t need to follow me all the way here. Obviously, I made it just fine.”
Everything in me wound tight and words stuck in my mouth. “I?—”
She rolled her eyes. “I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, okay? I can’t imagine how hard it was to have me in your space all weekend. But now we’re back in the real world, let’s just go back to doing what we do best.”
My heart thudded heavy in my chest. “What’s that?”
Her shoulders rose and fell in a big exhale. “Hating each other.”
She turned and carefully plodded up the short walkwayand began fiddling with her keys. She couldn’t just go, could she? Not like this.
Once her door opened, panic pushed me into action.
“Wait. Jess, just wait a minute.”
She turned, tucking her arms around her, and did as I asked.
Might be the last time.
“I reported Kurt because he assaulted a woman while we were TDY. What I said really happened.”
I’d said as much before. She should know this. But I had to start somewhere, and just now, the embers from each moment of the weekend were stoking into something more.
Her lips thinned, and by the set of her jaw, I could tell she was clenching it. I didn’t have much time.
“I told him he had to confess to you or I’d tell you. And since you knew Kurt as well as he let anyone know him, I’m guessing you can imagine how well that went over.”
She shifted on her feet but didn’t storm away, so I’d take that. She wasn’t rejecting the very notion that my version of events was true.Progress.
“I never did any of it to hurt you, but I wasn’t going to let him hurt anyone else, and frankly, I hated—” I swallowed, willing this next part to come out right. “I hated that he was cheating on you. And he made it clear it wasn’t a new thing.”
She blinked rapidly, then nodded once, but stood strong. My heart pounded in a riot of anxiety, hanging on this moment and her response.
“Why wouldn’t you have said that? I know you told me you didn’t lie, but he said—” She shook her head and looked to the sky. “God, he was such an unbelievable asshole.”
I didn’t verbalize my assent, but there was nothing I agreed with more. Distance from him and from the relationshipwe’d had before he’d made clear he was never really my friend had shown me he was never someone who had any but his own good at heart. Retrospect had highlighted and underlined it.
She straightened, and something about her posture made me certain she wanted to ask me something more. I wanted to tell her whatever she wanted—I needed it out there between us so I could move on.
“Go ahead. Whatever you want,” I prompted.
