Page 53 of Fighting For You
Please, Jess, just tell me what you want from me.
Through the frustration with her, I teetered on an edge. Any second now, I might slip into begging her like I’d promised myself for so long I wouldn’t do.
Believe me. See me. Choose me.
I silenced the pleading voice and took a slow inhale, begging my body to calm down so I could stay in this moment, stay with her here in this hallway and not let this devolve into another version of our past mistakes.
She crossed her arms in a way that made it look like she was strapping on a shield. “I want you to tell me why thehellyou didn’t tell me you had feelings for me sooner. Why you weren’t man enough to be honest. Why you couldn’t tell me for the years and years andyearsafter that you’d felt the way you did.”
She’d inched closer to me, stretching her neck and somehow growing taller with her frustration.
This sparked real anger in me and I blew past the thrill of having her this close. “I would never have told you I had feelings for you after you were with Kurt. What would’ve been the point? I’m not that kind of person. You chose him—I took the note.”
She let out a bitter laugh, but I continued. “And after? You wouldn’t look at me, let alone talk to me. We couldhardly tolerate being in the same room those first few years, and obviously, things have gone perfectly here at Saint.”
She shook her head and seemed to be summoning strength from somewhere—maybe Athena was about to show up and assist her in finishing me off, if her expression was anything to go by.Murderously beautifulhad a certain ring to it.
“So it all comes down to the fact that you’re just so honorable? You’re sogoodandethicalthat you wouldn’t talk to me while I was dating him, and then you couldn’t force me to talk to you after? Is that it?”
This maddening woman!
“Yes.Yes,dammit, thatisit. Because I’m not a jackass who’s going to force you into talking to someone you’ve convinced yourself you hate. Especially not when I?—”
Her gaze sharpened and she stepped forward, close enough we were almost touching. “When you what?”
I inhaled—fatal mistake. Her warm, fresh scent filled the space between us, and I took it in with greed. I was so rarely close enough to have this and she always smelled so good. I wanted to huff her like a drug, drag my nose along the soft skin of her neck. And maybe I’d kiss her there, just to hear the intake of breath—just to see if she’d push me away, maybe slap me, or maybe…
“Jude, what?”
There was still an edge in her voice, but it had curved into something new, and my name instead of Beast had me sucking in a breath. My eyes dropped to her lips, the perfect dip in her cupid’s bow and the plush bottom one I couldn’t look away from.
“Jude.”
My gaze cut to hers, and whether it was the frustration or the buildup of this conversation that’d gone absolutelysideways, or the way I’d left parts of me open instead of locked down tight, I told her the truth. All of it.
“I couldn’t talk to you after he left because I hated that I’d broken your heart, even if I’d done the right thing, but I hated even more that you’d broken mine.”
She reared back. “How?”
“You wouldn’t believe me. You believed that asshole cheater over me and I couldn’t take it. I was so angry with you, but I still…”No point in attempting to avoid it now, is there?“I still loved you.”
She shook her head. “No. You didn’t.”
“I did.”
She loosed an incredulous laugh. “There’s no way. You hated me.”
“Youhatedme.And that does something to a man. Instead of begging you to talk to me, to see me, I decided I’d lean into all the rage and hatred you were giving me, and I’d let you have it right back. It was so much easier than the alternative.”
So much easier than feeling not only the loss of her, but of her total lack of faith in me. It was twisted and messed up, I wouldn’t dispute that, but I didn’t have anywhere to go with the mess of feelings she stirred up in me.
The shift from confusion and disbelief happened in a matter of seconds. Her jaw firmed and her gaze sharpened and pinned me. “How dare you.”
The words came out just barely louder than a whisper, and I swallowed hard. They were threaded with anger and hurt.
“I’m telling you what’s true.”
She inhaled. “You’re telling me you were so in love with me you couldn’t talk to me? That you chose to avoid me and hate me when I’m being a jerk instead of calling me on it?”
