Page 64 of Fighting For You
“You couldn’t have known. And…” He swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing in a way that made my chest tight, and his hand flipped up to press our palms together. “It’s just the way it goes, I’m finding. Even here, with you, on a good day, it hits without warning.”
“Has Kenny ever shared his car accident analogy with you?” I asked, eyes flicking to the table where the man in question was gesticulating wildly as he told a story to the captivated table.
Hand tightening around mine a little, Jude nodded. “Yes, but I’d hear your version of it.”
This pleased me more than it should’ve. I squeezed his hand back, then released him, because Catherine had circled back to top off our mugs.
“Food’s almost out,” she said, winking at us as she moved away.
I smiled after her, then focused back on the person sitting across from me who hadn’t removed his attention from me.
“So as you know, Kenny likens grief to a car accident. Could be a fender bender, could be a forty-car pile-up with every car in the line totaled.”
He nodded.
“I heard him talking to Cookie in the spring about when his grandma passed, and he said something like, ‘this is the side swipe phase. Feels like it comes out of nowhere, but when you walk away, the car’s still dented. You can’t forget it, and it’s changed the shape of you, and you might not bother to get it fixed right away.’” I cupped my hands around my mug, seeking the warmth saturating the ceramic and wishing it was his skin instead. “It’s not a perfect metaphor, for sure, but I think putting a name to things, or giving ourselves an image like that to work with can really help.”
He nodded again. “It can.” He stared at the swirling black of his coffee for a moment before saying, “It wasn’t a surprise, you know? In a lot of ways, I’ve been grieving her since we got here, but definitely since?—”
His gaze met mine the instant I made the connection.
“That’swhy you couldn’t leave last winter?”
His head dropped a touch. “Yeah. Believe it or not, it wasn’t me trying to be an asshole just to piss youoff.”
I cringed and covered my face. “I’m so sorry.”
I’d been so furious with him, feeling like he’d finagled the scenario where I left town for months on an overseas assignment when it should’ve been him. Bruce and Wilder had said things about Beast being on a no-travel agreement, but it’d never clicked until right now.
“I’m so sorry.” Emotion welled up in me so suddenly, I had to clear my throat.No crying on first dates, fun girl!
Jude plucked my hand off the table and tugged it, demanding my attention.
“Hey. No. At some point, we’re going to deal with all that more, but for now, let’s just… not sink down into it. Let’s not fault ourselves for things we’ve done when we didn’t have all the information.”
I scoffed. “So I’m off the hook for acting like a shrew when I could’ve been a compassionate human being?”
His gaze narrowed and his baseball glove of a hand wrapped around my wrist. “No, Jess. It’s not a carte blanche for either of us. But it is grace for our mistakes. And it is…” His gaze flicked around the room before settling back on me. “It’s something new going forward.”
He leaned forward and pressed a kiss over the knuckle of my thumb before releasing my hand, and seconds later, our food arrived.
Grace.
Something new.
I liked the sound of that.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Jude
Part of me had hoped we’d get out of here before the group did, but they’d been sitting and already had their food when I’d come in.
“Well, aren’t you two justadorable.”
Kenny’s all too pleased voice alerted me to the trouble, and I saw my own acceptance mirrored in Jess’s dark eyes.
“How was breakfast?” she asked, completely disregarding the man-child’s question.
