Page 76 of Fighting For You
I also couldn’t say she was everything I’d always wanted and I would like to go tothatnext—to the place where we spent all our days waking up next to each other and soothing aches and building ecstasy.
Too much, far too soon.
Granted, I’d basically said I’d always wanted her. But we’d moved past it quickly and I suspected she didn’t believe it, even though I hoped she knew I wouldn’t tell her anything but the truth ever again.
So instead, I let her decide. “Where do you want to go next?”
She huffed. “You can’t put that all on me. I’m sitting here in your lap—a place I never imagined I’d be—so I’m not sure I’m qualified to decide.”
Her irritation with me was, frankly, adorable. People talked about how men defaulted to anger, but Jess Korbel’s default setting was absolutely anger when it came to confusion or tension or… anything she didn’t like. She hid it well at times, but never even attempted to with me.
I didn’t hide my grin and then booped her nose.
Her mouth dropped open. “Who even are you?”
I laughed, loving her so much it sent a chill through me. What would happen if she didn’t come along with me in this? What happened if old habits and heartaches proved to be too much for us?
She slid her hands up and around to ring my neck, squeezing softly.
“That bad, huh? You’re going to stare into my eyes andput me down? I guess I always knew if you killed me, you’d want to watch the light go out.” Her hands stayed put, but I let mine find their way to her face. “Do what you must. At least I’ll die living out a fantasy.”
She made a sound of surprise and her face flashed with both horror and delight. “You fantasized about me killing you?”
Shaking my head, I traced her full bottom lip with my thumb. “No, baby. I fantasized about you on my lap.”
She jolted like I’d punched her in the gut and her eyes grew wide, then she laughed out one sharp, disbelieving guffaw. “You actually just said that.”
“I won’t deny I’ve always wanted you. But that’s exactly why I think we should be smart.” And before all of this ran away with me, before I convinced myself I could tell her everything before she was ready, I needed some space. I shifted, taking her by the waist and lifting her off me before standing.
She stood frozen for a moment before stooping to pet Bones, who’d come to check on her now that she’d moved from on top of me.
“I should go,” she said to my cat, definitely not to me.
And that, we just couldn’t have.
With a hand on her arm, I turned her to me and pulled her in, wrapping her up. Her wooden posture relaxed when I ducked my head and pressed a kiss to her temple.
“We have enough history between us and patterns we’ve established, I’m worried that at any minute you’ll go back to hating me because this all feels too good to be true.” The admission emerged in a whisper against her hair.
Her arms flexed, holding me tighter, then loosening enough so she could find my eyes.
“We’re not going back to that. Ever.Because I was an idiot, and you were, too. So… no. I think I can honestly say that no matter what happens, I won’t hate you again.” She ducked her chin, a defeated exhale filtering out between her lips. “I’m sorry I ever let it get so bad. I hate that there’s so much built up in our past.”
“It wasn’t just you.” I tucked a lock of hair that’d fallen in her eyes back behind her ear.
She bit her lip for a moment before she nodded. “True. But I’m afraid a lot of the responsibility rests with me. I established the pattern… you just followed it.” Her brow furrowed. “Sometimes, I wonder why.”
“Why what?”
“Why you didn’t just ignore me completely. I mean, I know I can be frustrating, and I wasn’t everniceto you, but I think we probably could’ve coexisted more peacefully without you grunting at me all the time.” She raised one brow to punctuate the thought.
She really didn’t get it, did she?
“If I’d just ignored you, then you would’ve ignored me.”
She blinked, waiting for more, so I gave it to her.
“You have no idea how desperate I was. But also angry and hurt and grieving my grandfather not long after it all happened, too. So everything crashed together in this sick version of antagonism that felt awful, but so much better than silence between us.”
