Page 102 of Known By You
She laughed softly. “I feel like there might be a few other people I need to talk to about this.”
“Fair. But Kit will need a personal debrief.”
She nodded with a fakely serious expression. “Absolutely.”
There was so much hope bursting through me, I could hardly breathe through it. “Bruce already said you could have a job at Saint any time and I know that’s true. I have no idea if you’re interested in that line of work, but I think you’d be an incredible part of the team. No—I know it.”
Her hands traced over my pecs, sending cascades of sensation down my body. I caught her wrists, fully aware my ability to concentrate on this very important conversation wouldn’t survive if she kept that up.
“I do. I’ll take a few weeks to make the transition and really think about it, but I loved working with you and everyone else. And even though I’m sorry they went through what they did, the Jack and Evie job was kind of amazing.”
I chuckled. “I get it. Like, I never want someone to be kidnapped or in danger, but I will never get tired of being the person to help someone who really needs it.”
Her gaze softened. “That is one of so many things I love about you.” She leaned in for another kiss.
I accepted it happily, but a twinge of worry poked at me. “So… you’re sure you want to walk away from this? I mean, hear me when I say I’m ecstatic, and I also get this is not aboutme, but I hate the thought of you making this move and regretting it.”
“Thank you for being mindful of that. I’m not without some anxiousness, but I also know that coming back here was filled with dread instead of joy. I kept telling myself that wasn’t part of the equation—people don’t just ‘follow their joy.’ I mean, some people do, but I didn’t. I don’t. That’s just not the kind of person I am.”
She ran a hand through my hair, and I closed my eyes, soaking in the sensation of her nails on my scalp and the affection she was giving me so freely.
When I opened them, she spoke again.
“This change isn’t just about joy for me. It’s about possibility. I know what the next ten years of this job looks like because I’ve been living it for well over a decade. It’s predictable in nature even if not location, exactly. And many people truly love it and miss it when it’s gone. For me, I didn’t see any other options once I got this far in, and there’s this lie we tell ourselves, a kind of sunk-cost fallacy where I’ve spent so many years here so I can’t possibly stop now when, in just ten more years, I can be done. But in ten years, I’ll be forty-five. Do I want to wait that long to have a home I get to keep and a partner and to live near my family? Even if you were willing to live in Europe indefinitely, my family wouldn’t be here. I’ve fooled myself into thinking that was okay, but it’s not. And I’m not going to sacrifice those things for this job, no matter how valuable, anymore. I get to choose where Imake a difference and how I live, and I know what I want now.”
I loved so much about what she’d just said and there was absolutely a Kenny Carmichael doing back handsprings through an endless field at her insinuation thatIwould be her partner for years.
Yes please! Me! Me! Meeeeee!
“That makes sense,” I said, attempting to maintain my composure. “I could’ve stayed in. Did you know that?”
Her brows rose. “After the wolves came for your fingers?”
I squeezed her waist and grinned. “Yes. After the wolves came. You don’t get automatically discharged for that kind of thing. There are soldiers with more severe amputations and limb differences who choose to remain in if their rehab goes well.”
“What made you leave?”
“Family. I’d planned to retire from EMU and there I was, twenty-seven and barely a decade into my service missing two fingers and dealing with the aftermath of that accident, and I heard whispers that Wilder Saint was retiring and moving to some dinky little mountain town to start a business. Rumor had it he wanted as many former EMU people as would come.”
Her soft smile grew and her beauty felt like a lightning bolt to my chest. “And you ended up being one of them.”
I nodded. “When I found out Bruce and Tristan were going, it was a big deal. Then when I heard Adam and Beast were, I really couldn’t even pretend like I wanted to stay without them. They’d been my mentors and were fundamental to my time there—to who I was as a man. So I sat down with Cookie and Stone, and we all agreed we’d come. Stone promised and once I had that locked in, I had noreason to stay except the service. I loved my time in the Army and especially in the EMU and there are plenty of things I miss about it, but I don’t regret leaving. I don’t regret making the choice to have a life I love with people I love.”
She swallowed hard. “And yet, you were leaving them…”
I sighed. “For you. Yes. Because they’re my family, but you… Liz, you’re my whole heart. You’re my future, I hope, and without you, it just wasn’t going to work.”
The kiss that followed was so consuming, we didn’t talk anymore. We didn’t talk for a long, long time after that.
CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE
Liz
I’d never imagined Jo as a screamer and I’d never thought of myself as a crier, but here we were, Jo screeching into my ear and me borderline sobbing as she squeezed me so tight and rocked me back and forth.
“This is the best day of my life. Honestly. Like, I love Adam but this is the best day. I cannot believe you’re moving here. I cannot believe you aren’t a badass CIA woman anymore. I can’t believe you’re actually admitting you’re in love with Kenny!!!”
Shrill to say the least, and yet she had me laughing through the tears now.
