Page 44 of Known By You
No matter what I wanted, this was for the best.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Elizabeth
It wasn’t until after we’d sat there and took in the mountains and stars with only the sounds of the fire and night to accompany us that we actually talked.
He’d joked around and I’d laughed because he was silly and funny enough, I’d wanted to. Despite being rather different people, we had a lot in common in terms of simple things, like how we liked to relax and the things that brought us rest. But nothing real came up until we were back in his car, shivering against the cold on the way back into town.
“You said you feel like a failure,” he said, apropos of nothing that’d happened in the last hour or so.
“Uh, yeah.”
My cheeks burned, and I was grateful he couldn’t see it. Why had I said that aloud? It wasn’t like I particularlywanted my failures celebrated and when I had them, I certainly didn’t shout it to the rooftops.
“I don’t mean to bring it up if you don’t want to talk about it, but I feel like I need to say something. And please believe me, this is not trying to make you feel better if what you need is to feel bad. I’ve fallen into that trap where I spin things so hard I can’t see straight, and it doesn’t help in the end.”
I swallowed hard, hearing the veracity in his voice and wishing I could touch him—steady him and make him know I believed him.
“Okay,” I finally said once I realized he wouldn’t continue until I made it clear I was ready.
He pulled into a spot right in front of my building’s door, put the vehicle in park, and turned to me.
“I need you to know that even though I don’t know what happened to get you here, you are not a failure. Even if you hadafailure,youare not a failure. You are not what you do, Liz, and I know that’s hard to hear and even harder to believe. But you are…” His gaze shifted toward the windshield, out toward the mountains, like he could see for a hundred miles while he searched for the right words. “You’re an impressive woman and you’re showing up for your family now. The past does matter, but it’s not the only thing. What you dodoesmatter, but it’s not the only thing either.”
My pulse fluttered in my neck and at my temple and I felt so overcome by this kind, genuine person who seemed to know just how to cut right through the fog and say something meaningful and a little painful, but important, too.
I so rarely acted on impulse, but my gut carried me in the moment, and I did follow it. I reached for his face, hisskin warm in my chilly hands, and I pulled him into me as I surged forward, pressing my lips to his.
At first touch, my heart lit on fire, but after a second, horror struck.
He wasn’t kissing me back.
He wasn’t pushing me away, sure, but he still seemed stunned. His hands were tucked close to his body, not urging me toward him. His lips were frozen, not coaxing mine open.
He didn’t want me, or this, and I’d quite possibly just ruinedeverything.Maybe the surreal feeling of my time here had fried my brain and I couldn’t read signals or navigate any interaction in a healthy way.
I pulled back with a gasp and instantly reached for the door.
“Liz!”
He scrambled out of the car after me, but I was already at the building’s door. I couldn’t face him and see the apology or pity on his face—not right now. Not after he’d said all those things,doneso many kindnesses for me, and I’d just folded myself into an origami heart and shoved it into his hands.
Without turning toward him when he said my name again, I spoke as I opened the door. “No. No. Sorry. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that, and we will never speak of it again. Thank you for the s’mores. Good night.”
I slipped in and he didn’t follow me—I knew he wouldn’t.
After locking my apartment door once I got upstairs, I threw my purse to the counter and stumbled forward, dove face-first into the couch, and screamed.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Kenny
Istood there for a stupidly long time.
Had Elizabeth Malcom, the first woman who’d elicited something in me in a decade plus and who I’d wanted for years, just kissed me?
Astoundingly, yes.
