Page 69 of Known By You
At some point, I’d chosen to funnel any willingness of risk into my professional life and had lost the ability to chance anything personally. Maybe I’d never had that ability in the first place—perhaps watching my parents’ relationship dissolve during the key years of my adolescence could be partially to blame.
But I didn’t want to blame anything. I didn’t want to rehash my choices. It was time to look forward. I had no idea what that meant for me when I got to the other side of this time in Utah or how I’d continue life in Europe now that I’d let so many doubts creep in.
I couldn’t see exactly how this would go, but I knew in my gut I didn’t want to stop spending time with Kenny. I wanted as much time as I could get. This wouldn’t last, but when I went back to those realities in my life, when I returned to the existence I’d built, I’d have the memory of this time with him.
I was a spy—we didn’t get to love and have families andHappily-Ever-Afters. But a moment, a slice of this, I could carve out and hold close to my chest for the rest of my time. And I’d take it. Before, I lived with nothing, and now, I wouldn’t need to, because I’d have something. Something of this wonderful man, of my time here in this alternate universe my life could’ve been in some other dimension.
“I don’t know what to expect, but I do want this. To spend time with you while I’m here.”
I had to caveat it that way aloud for myself. I didn’t dream of forever with people I dated, but something about Kenny had me needing to brace against that level of risk, at least. I had to remind myself there would be an ending, and even if it was a few weeks away, it would come.
He seemed happy with this news, based on the beaming smile he cast my way.
“That’s good news,” he said, raising our joined hands and pressing a kiss into the back of mine.
Our gazes tangled and my stomach did that swooping thing again, a rollercoaster I only seemed to be riding around him.
“Any chance you’re up for watching a movie or something? No pressure at all, but I don’t want to waste the chance to hang out, if you’re free.”
I looked around like there might be a clue or some task I was ignoring that would keep me from enjoying him. I’d spent so long with work hounding me, keeping me on a schedule and focusing my energy and mind, and now I didn’t have it. My work with Saint was casual at best, undemanding and kind of fun, all things considered, and it didn’t creep into my days when I wasn’t there.
So I could relax and spend time with this man who, for whatever reason, wanted to spend time with me.
“I’m free,” I said, relishing the warm grin spreading across his face.
He glanced at his watch. “How about we order some food and watch a movie? I’m getting hungry, but I don’t want to go out, if that’s okay.”
Bless the man. I’d beenouta lot lately, and I just wanted some time snuggled up in this little apartment, especially if it meant being with him.
“That is perfect.” And so was the afternoon, especially once he reassured me Kit would be okay with him gone for so long.
We sat on the couch eating takeout from Diner and watching romcoms. Witnessing Kenny’s true love ofPretty Womanwas probably the most entertaining thing I’d ever experienced, and once that was done, I couldn’t imagine ending the day. We took a stroll around the little downtown to stretch our legs and give his energy an outlet, while he regaled me with stories about every business and person we encountered.
“This is Quinn Darling-Grenier’s music store. She’s insanely talented and also puts up with Julian, so she’s a hero,” he said as we wandered past Pluck and he waved at a young woman standing behind the counter, who beamed and waved enthusiastically back.
This happened at every store—a little anecdote about the person, always complimentary, and then usually someone inside the business, if it was open, cheerily greeting Kenny if they saw him. It’d been the same the last time we’d been in town together, but I still marveled at it.
“You are just Mr. Popular. I’m amazed.” I slumped into the couch, grateful to be out of the cold air and back inside.
“Nah. It’s not popularity.” He shucked his coat andhung it on a hook inside the doorway, then slipped off his boots, and finally came to sit next to me.
He’d found his spot notably closer than the last time we were here, and I didn’t mind at all. We hadn’t kissed again, hadn’t touched other than accidental grazes of knees or the occasional pat on a leg or arm. It’d all been rather friendly and not at all charged like so many of our other physical interactions had been.
Not that I was upset by this. He liked me. He’d said as much. I might not have been a dating savant, but I didn’t suffer from low self-esteem either. If Kenny was choosing to be here, then he wanted to be here.
“How is it not?” I wondered.
“I make an effort. If I see someone I don’t know, especially outside of the prime tourist season, I introduce myself. I join community boards and volunteer for stuff when I can. I eat locally and spend my money in these shops. It’s something I always wanted, but never realized it until I moved here and had it.”
The soft smile on his face sent an odd burst of longing through me. “What is it?”
“It’s a community, and inside of that, a sense of belonging. That didn’t come because I waited for it to be extended to me, though I do think Silverton is pretty good about welcoming people. It’s because I went out and built it—at Saint, in town, even in the surrounding areas. I claimed this place as my own like I claimed Saint as my family, and in turn, it claimed me back.”
My chest burned as though he’d written the words on my heart—like he’d seen a desire I hadn’t known was there and had casually spoken it out loud.
Belonging. Community. Family.
Home.
