Page 75 of Known By You
I chuckled. “Fair. They do have a much more familial vibe. I was anticipating that they were fighting feelings, or maybe he was, but hiding them in order to keep from crossing any lines, but no… there’s been no hints.”
“Indeed. Now, you and Barbie…”
My stomach flipped. What could I say to that? He hadn’t even said anything specific, yet it felt like a weighty insinuation.What about me and Barbie!!? Tell me, oh wise Frenchman.
Instead, I rather demurely said, “Mmm?”
“When the two of you are in the room, we can all feel it.”
I pulled into a parking spot at the Saint building and would’ve liked to sit with the sentence, mine it for all possible meanings, and then ask him another question, but we both sprang out of the vehicle, a healthy sense of urgency spurring us on and keeping me focused.
“I would like to ask follow-up questions, but for now…”
“Bien sûr. Whenever you like. I have something to sayon the subject at some point.” He stopped at the curb, waiting for a car to pass.
Curiosity roared through me. What could he want to say? Would he warn me away?What do you mean, Cookie?!
“I’ll be ready when you are,” I said instead, jogging across the street. We split then, him taking Main and me Silver. We’d then shift to Elk and extend farther. Doc and Eddie were looking near the hospital.
This experience of going store to store was far different and far less fun than it had been with Kenny. Shop owners somehow recognized me more than once and when I got to Elise’s, she was so happy to see me, I felt bad.
It was the strangest response, but I genuinely felt guilty when I left. She was so warm and welcoming, understanding of my questions as I asked basic things about whether she’d seen Evie. And it made me realize she was a friend. I hadn’t allowed for that to be true in my mind, but every time I saw her, she was genuinely warm and accepting. She’d been the same at the book club.
It was a distraction and not a thought I should be kept warm by as I moved through the other businesses on Silver Street, and yet I couldn’t escape it. Jo’s friends had become my friends. Yes, they were new, and they didn’t know me all that well, but that was partly due to my choices. I hadn’t engaged with them beyond the book club and seeing them on Fridays at Craic. I’d made no effort to spend time with anyone other than Jo individually.
Strangest of all thoughts—I wanted to.
I’d led such an insular life and the farther from it I got, the more confused I felt by my own behavior. Why had I isolated myself so much? Why had I felt satisfied with a watered-down version of friendship, family, and love?
The longer I stayed here, the more I suspected it’d felteasier to let work be my whole world. Every week, I’d pop up for a phone call with Jo and catch a gulp of connection, but otherwise, I’d allowed myself to believe my workwascommunity. And maybe if I worked somewhere like Saint, it would’ve been. But my job was naturally isolating. I reported to someone and had people who reported to me, but often, I was alone, out in the world or more likely, behind a computer. For a long time, the difference I made doing the job had felt like more than enough to satisfy me. It’d been thrilling and compelling and yes, fulfilling. But as time wore on, what had felt full looked closer to… not so full.
Now that I’d seen what these things could look like by observing Jo, my dad, and even Kenny’s way of living, I knew going back to what I’d always done wouldn’t be easy. I’d anticipated that it would be like a switch I could turn on and off and back again. Now, the mechanism looked a bit off. Would it even work? I didn’t really want to worry about it.
I couldn’t take all of the wonderful things with me, but maybe I could bring some of it along—the friendships, at least, and maybe the determination to find more for myself when I got back to the routine.
Those thoughts, instead of inspiring hope, settled in my belly like lead.
Mentally pushing away from that thread, I focused on the job. Store after store, no luck, and by the time I’d circled the block and returned to the bookstore, I got a text from Cookie indicating he had a quick lead.
Jo was inside, so I entered, having spoken to one of the employees when I first walked by.
“Hey! What are you doing out and about?” she asked, wrapping her arms around me.
I hugged her back, absorbing all her sweetness and strength before explaining. “I’m actually working. I’m looking for a woman who’s missing. She’s petite, light blond hair, very pregnant.”
“Oh, she’s here. She’s in the reading room,” Jo said, waving me back toward the room where we’d met for book club.
I rushed there, rather unsubtly bursting into the small, cozy space. “Evie,” I practically barked, so relieved to see her unharmed I didn’t manage to gentle my tone.
Her gaze snapped up and she smiled. “Hey. What are you doing here?”
“I’m looking for you. Jack’s been worried and he thought—well, we’ve found you now. Hold on.” I texted Cookie, then dialed Kenny. “Hey, I found her. We’ll be back soon.”
I sat in the chair perpendicular to where she sat with legs extended on the loveseat nearest the fire. She had a pillow tucked behind her back and an iced water and a mug of tea next to her, along with a paper bag featuring a Rise and Shine logo on it.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare anyone, least of all Jack.” Her face took on an agonized expression, and she reached for her tea, cupping the mug close to her chest. “I went to the appointment and everything’s fine. It’s such a gorgeous day and the ice has melted so there wasn’t as much risk of falling, and I feel great today, so I just wanted to walk.”
The way her brows pinched and her lips turned down, I could tell she wasn’t okay.
