Page 13 of Degradation
“Well?” My mother says.
“She will learn.” The Priest replies without taking his eyes off me. “A few more sessions and she will compliant enough to prove she is without sin.”
I blink back, barely understanding what the fuck this man is talking about. My mother bows as though this is the greatest damned honour, and she walks over to him, placing a red velvet bag into his waiting hand.
As soon as he’s gone, I let out a sigh that could be a sob. I don’t even know where it comes from, but it feels like something deep inside me is desperately clawing to escape.
“There, there.” My mother murmurs soothingly, grabbing a brush, moving to fix the state that is now my hair.
“What, what was that?” I ask. Why didn’t she even give me a warning that that was going to happen?
“It’s part of the process of washing away your old life and welcoming in your new.” She says softly.
“So, do all brides do that?” Surely, someone would have told me of this before? Someone would have mentioned it?
“No, Paitlyn.” She begins teasing out the knots, working out the damage that was done to my long hair. “Not every bride is going to become Chapter Lady.”
“I don’t want it.” I say before I can stop myself. “I don’t want him, I don’t want this, I don’t want any of it…”
I hear the brush hit the marble floor. I feel her arms wrap around me. “Oh, sweetie.” She says so softly. “I thought that wasthe case. I could see it on your face, could see it in your reaction when he choose you.”
Maybe I’m a fool, maybe I’m a simpleton, but the way my heart leaps at her tone. “So, we can stop this?” I gasp, turning around to face her.
Only, her reaction is not what I expect at all.
“Stop it?” She repeats. “No, Paitlyn, we can’t stop it. It’s too late for that. Far too late.”
“But…”
“If you’d spoken up this morning, if you’d told me before the ceremony…”
I gulp, gripping the side of the bath more firmly. Is that true? Would she have even listened to me if I had? It’s not like I haven’t tried numerous times. Besides, she was more than set on this match before the thing was even started.
“He announced you publicly. The only way you can get out of this now is if you’re dead.”
Dead? I tremble more, I let those bitter, angry tears fall as I stare back at her.
“But…”
“And you’ve dug yourself further into it by initiating the Purification Ritual just now.”
“But…”
“It’s too late, Paitlyn. It’s too late.” She says in such a firm, final voice.
“Momma,” I don’t mean to do it, I don’t mean to start sobbing the way I do but the fear, the confusion, the lack of control about any of this, it’s taking over and I can’t think rationally, I can’t even think at all.
She pulls me in, hugging me so tightly and in this moment, this touch of comfort feels exactly like what I need.
“It will be okay.” She reassures me. “Everything will be okay.”
“But how? How can it?” I don’t want to marry him. I don’t want to ever see that man again.
“Is there no way…?” Maybe I’m mad now, because all I can think about is faking my death, telling everyone I died in some freak accident, and then I could get away. It’s not like we don’t have money, and connections. Hell, we’re Founders. Maybe Antonio would do it, maybe he could sneak me out and then…
She shakes her head, brushing my tears from my face. “What’s done is done.” She says. “God has chosen this path for us. We may not like it, we may not want it, but this is our destiny.”
I draw in a long, ragged breath. It’s hard not to notice how she uses the term ‘we’ when it’s me who’s actually fucked here, not her. Me who’s going to have to marry that man. Who’s going to have to kiss him, and smile at him, and spread my legs and… my stomach twists at the thought, at the idea of Gunther, naked, and on top of me, of him in me, of him grunting away as he works his cock in and out.
